Page 192 of The First Time
"That Christmas when she went to Aspen with her sister."
I shake my head. That was a long time ago, ten years now. But the timeline makes sense. She was sharper after that. For a while, a few months at least.
"I can't say I've been the world's best husband, but I love Linda. I want her to be healthy."
"You could try not rubbing your affairs in her face."
"Your mother and I have an understanding."
Bullshit. He has an understanding. But I'm not interested in this conversation.
Mom went to rehab.
She fucking cared.
She tried.
My head is spinning.
Can't think about this anymore.
I pull out my e-reader. "Gonna finish this book."
Dad nods. "You don't have to wait. I can call you when your mother wakes up."
"I know." But I want to.
* * *
It's morningwhen I give up and take a cab back to my parents' place. The house is as big as I remember it. It's four bedrooms, three bathrooms, a drought-be-damned green lawn, and a pool in the perfect backyard.
And it's the same inside. Same family photos on the walls. Same cozy cloth couches and rustic dining chairs. Same widescreen TV. Same collection of tearjerkers on the bookshelf.
Fuck, my head is heavy. My heart too. Everything is heavy. And it's spinning.
I go straight to the bathroom, my bathroom, strip, and step into the shower. The water pounds my back, neck, head. It's cold at first. Then warmer. Then hot.
It's hot enough to burn, but I do nothing to change the temperature. I need to wash today off. To wash my entire fucking life off.
There's the same shampoo, conditioner, and soap in here. Same as last time I was here, two Christmases ago—was just out of rehab and in no mood to travel last Christmas.
The shower isn't doing it today. It doesn't feel like that warm, comfortable embrace.
I need that.
My thoughts go straight to Piper. To her gorgeous blue eyes and her sweet smile and the way she pushes through her flushed cheeks to ask for what she wants.
I want her here.
Want her in my arms.
That's not happening.
I shake my head as I turn the shower off. I want comfort and I'm thinking of Piper.
Usually, I think about getting high.
I'm sure I could find Mom's stash if I applied myself. Could get out of my head by the end of the hour.
