Page 145 of The First Time

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"Or sex?"

I chuckle. "Casual sex was too connected to drugs. Brought everything back. Made me want to use."

"You only tried the one time."

"I have a girlfriend. Now isn't the time to get into casual sex."

She smiles. "Has it been like that when we've slept together?"

"Hard to explain."

"But it doesn't make you want to use?"

"Fuck no." I look into her eyes. "Piper, you're a fucking beacon of hope compared to the places I've been." I run my fingers through her hair. "You have that spark."

"Yeah?"

"Your brothers have it. Violet's got it. I had it once."

She shakes her head. "You have it now."

"Maybe." I slide my hand around her neck to cup the back of her head. "Whatever happens, you can't lose that spark."

"What could happen?"

"Life. It wears people down." I play with her hair. "You're not like anyone else I know."

"Neither are you." She runs her fingers over my cheeks and lips. "This is probably an inappropriate time to put the moves on you."

"The moves?"

She nods. "Sex."

I have to laugh.

"I'm not being smooth, huh?"

"It works for you."

"Good." She presses herself up, slings one leg over my hips, and straddles me. "It means a lot that you talk to me about this stuff."

I nod.

"I don't want to interrupt you if you have more to say." She plays with my top button.

"But?"

"But I want to kiss you. I want to touch you." This time, she undoes the top button. The second. "I want to make you forget anything has ever hurt you."

"Piper..." I reach up to run my fingers through her hair.

"I'm on the pill." She stares into my eyes. "If you're sure you're clean, we don't have to use a condom."

"You sure?"

She nods.

Fuck yes. I nod back.

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