Page 96 of The First Time
I'm hot everywhere.
"I shouldn't have left like that."
"I didn't want you to leave." I understand why he did. I understand that this is messy. But it still hurts. And the wound is still fresh.
"This is your life too, Piper. Mal and Ethan aren't just my bandmates. They're your brothers."
"I know."
"This, us being together, will fuck with your life too. They might throw fits. Might be hurt you kept this from them."
"Maybe." It's true. This will have collateral damage. That doesn't excuse his leaving, but it is true.
"Piper, I don't have a fucking doubt in my head. I need you." His eyes fix on mine. "The last time I wanted something to wipe my pain away, I thought about you before I thought about using."
"What does that mean?"
"I want you. I'm fucking miserable over us not talking. I'm pissed at everyone. Mostly at myself for being the cause of this." His voice gets soft. "I don't want to put this on you. I'm an adult. I know what I've done, and my recovery is not your fucking responsibility. I don't want to put any of my shit on you."
"You're not. When people care about each other, they help each other. They count on each other." My chest flares with frustration. "They count on each other to stick around."
"I know." He looks to the ground for a moment then his eyes are on mine. "I know a lot of people have left you. I fucking hate that I added to it." He moves closer. "I know what I want. I want to be with you. But, Piper, I'm a fucking mess. I... If I was giving you advice, I'd tell you to run far away from a guy like me."
"Good thing I'm not interested in your advice."
"I want you to think about this, Piper, if you can really be with somebody like me."
What the hell does that mean? Somebody like Kit? Somebody hot, funny, sweet, caring? Somebody who sets my body on fire? A great kisser with an out of this world tongue piercing?
Someone who makes me laugh, who helps me study, who comes when I need him?
Kit is exactly the kind of person I want to be with.
Except for him leaving.
If he leaves like that again...
My heart hurts. The last three weeks have been miserable. I'm still hurt but seeing him is making me warm and fuzzy. Even if I'm not sure what his warning means. "How about we talk after we eat?"
"Only if I can buy you coffee after that."
My lips curl into a smile. "Of course."
He takes my hand and leads me on the short walk to the beach.
It's a beautiful day today. The sun is shining. The warm air smells like salt. The sand is full of locals and tourists alike and the water is full of surfers and swimmers.
I watch waves crash on the beach.
Kit unpacks the takeout bags. After I fix the pho just right, we take turns sampling each dish.
We don't talk about our relationship. We don't talk about anything.
We eat and we watch the waves. Then we lay on the sand together until the sun is setting.
