Page 350 of The First Time

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I go back to the stall. Natalie undresses and dresses me. All I do is step in and out of the gowns.

I avoid the reflection until we're in the main room.

"Aw," Ashleigh squeals. "You look beautiful. And understated."

My eyes go to the mirror.

This dress is more my style. It's simple. No beading, no embroidery. Just a pretty lace with a flower pattern.

Ashleigh snaps a photo with her cell phone. She offers me a smile. "Why don't we try putting on a few accessories?"

"Okay." I stare at my reflection. I'm wearing a fucking wedding dress. I'm getting married. This is absolutely absurd.

It's an easy lie.

All I have to do is smile and act like everything is normal.

I let Natalie have her way with me. Veil. Necklace. Jeweled belt. Silver heels.

She turns me to the mirror, waiting for my smile. There's a way this is supposed to go. I'm supposed to jump and squeal and proclaim my eternal happiness.

I stare back at my reflection.

It's a beautiful dress.

I look beautiful in it.

But it doesn't feel right.

This doesn't feel right.

The bell dings. Door opens. "Hello."

Lizzy. She's here.

Normal. I have to act normal.

She wanders into the main room. Her eyes go wide when she spots me in the dress. "Oh my God, Kat. You look beautiful."

"Doesn't she?" Ashleigh studies her work with pride. "Lose the belt I think." She turns to me. "Do you like it?"

"It's nice," I say.

"Yeah, but do you like it? Is it the one?" Ashleigh asks.

Lizzy looks from Natalie to me. "It's really nice."

"It is," I agree.

"But it only matters what you think," Lizzy says. "It's your wedding, and you're in charge of what you wear."

"It's only a dress," I say. "And I've got it under control."

"Yeah. You always have it under control." Lizzy drops her backpack on the floor.

Is that an angry drop or a normalthis is heavyone?

I don't know.

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