Page 35 of The First Time
Chapter Five
Kit
The lights in the club go down.
Then it's applause.
Screaming.
I'm about to move forward when Ethan steps in front of me. He shakes his head and runs a hand through his dark wavy hair.
He motionsone more minute.
Gotta make the crowd work for it. Gotta make them wait. This is shit I know, but I lose track of it the second I get near a stage.
My chest is light. My heart is in my throat.
Then the crowd is chantingDangerous Noiseand I'm not sure I can breathe.
Fuck, I can't do this.
I remind myself that I've done this a thousand times. Hell, I've done it on a stage this size a few dozen times.
Iknowit's possible, but my heart still feels like it's going to leap out of my chest.
Oxy made this easier. It killed my nerves enough that I was a better performer high. If I'd managed to figure out how to stay just high enough, I'd still be using and I'd still be stage-fright-free.
But I got greedy, got too high, started forgetting my commitments, missing recording sessions, showing up late to shows, fucking up everything for everybody else.
Ethan looks at me the way he always does, his blue eyes as filled with excitement as they always are. He can't tell I'm nervous.
I do have an expert poker face.
Ethan steps on stage first. Already, the crowd is going crazy. Then it's Joel bouncing to his drum kit.
Then me. I step on stage and take my place opposite Ethan.
Mal, our singer, is the last to step on stage. The crowd goes fucking crazy for him. He and Ethan share frontman duties but he's the one groaning at all the girls in the audience.
The sound of Ethan's guitar fills the room.
Then the first kick of the drumbeat.
My fingers are stiff enough I almost miss my first note, but I get it. By the first verse, I'm lost in the motions of my hands and the sounds of the room.
I relax enough to play well.
I can fucking do this.
Our music mixes with the cheers and screams of our fans. We pour ourselves into the music that flows from the stage. Our fans pour themselves back as they sing along.
This is the best, most equal relationship I've ever had.
This is exactly where I belong.
I'm in a trance the entire show. I don't rouse from it until I hit my last note and Ethan grabs my arm to pull me backstage with the rest of the band.
The crowd cheering and clapping pours into the narrow hallway.
