Page 342 of The First Time
Realism was never my style, but it's the only way to capture the majesty that is Blake. A cartoon version could never compare.
Hell, a drawing could never compare.
Nothing compares.
I let my eyelids press together. I soak in the sound of the rain. The warmth of the mug. The smell of chocolate wafting into my nostrils.
When I open my eyes, I'm surprised by the darkness. The sky is ugly. Deep blue with big, grey clouds. The rain is hard, but the sound of it is beautiful. Like music.
"Kat?"
"Yeah?" I look into Blake's eyes, but it doesn't help with my nerves. I still want to get lost in those eyes.
"You okay?"
"Mostly." I sip my cocoa. It's instant, but it's soothing all the same. I take a long sip then set my mug on the floor.
I don't need chocolate and sugar.
I need him wiping away the rest of the world.
Blake watches me the way he always does. He'd make a great scientist. Or a judge. There's no telling what's going on behind those gorgeous eyes.
He offers his mug of coffee. I nod and take a sip. It's black. Rich. Bold. Vanilla.
My gaze shifts back to the window. To the rain hitting the glass. "I should get home soon."
"It's pouring."
"It's always pouring this time of year." I shift and the blanket slips off my shoulders, all the way to my waist. "I'm sure you have more work to do. I don't want to impose."
He sets his drink on the floor. "I like you here."
"Yeah, but you have to work. And I have to work too. I might be able to make some of the spring admissions deadlines for art schools. There are a lot of choices I've never really considered. My parents insisted I go to a regular school."
Blake's eyes stay on mine. He doesn't glance at my exposed torso. Respect or disinterest, I'm not sure. Everything about today feels different. Almost like we're really a couple.
That's a lie.
The reminder isn't hitting me today.
Explanations bounce around my head. Some things are real. Our sex is real.
Maybe this is real too.
I shift onto Blake's lap, my thighs outside his, my crotch over his.
He's warm. Safe. But that's not right. There's nothing safe about this.
He pushes my hair behind my ears.
I wrap my arms around his strong shoulders. I squeeze my thighs around him.
He presses his palm against my lower back.
It sends a shiver up my spine.
When I look back into his eyes, his curiosity is gone. He's shifting back to the Blake I understand. The animal driven by lust and control.
