Page 326 of The First Time
"Blake's sister thinks I'm a gold digger," I say.
"She thinks you're pretty enough to be a gold digger. It's practically a compliment," she teases.
"Maybe. She wants me to leave him." I pull the check from my pocket and hand it to Lizzy.
Her eyes go wide as she unfolds it. "Fuck. She really wants you to go away."
"We're supposed to get married here in three and a half weeks."
"Classy. Perfect for you."
"It's go-away money. She wants me to take this and never see him again."
She folds the check and presses it into my palm. "She must have some serious jealousy issues."
I shake my head. That isn't it. "She thinks I'm deceiving Blake. Or deceiving myself about Blake. Maybe I am." I tuck the check into a pocket in my purse. "She… she might even be doing it for me. Because she feels bad for me."
"Uh-huh."
"Really. Her husband was at dinner. He's one of those rich jerks who works nonstop. She thinks Blake is the same. That I'll also end up in a loveless marriage. Or as a young divorcee."
"You're too nice. It sounds like a controlling-bitch move to me."
"You're too cynical."
"Let's say that's true. What's in the middle?"
"I'm not sure. I guess it doesn't matter. She's offering me money to go away. I can take it. Or not."
"You get more if you marry him."
"Yeah." But I don't need more. I just need Lizzy okay. And she is. She doesn't even want this money.
"Do you want to marry Blake?"
My thoughts go straight to the two of us right here. Me in some beautiful lace dress. Him in a suit. Pink petals blowing around us. It's beautiful. Romantic. Sweet.
But it's not a lie. Not in my head.
In my head, it's real. He really loves me and I really love him.
That's what I want. Not yet. But one day. I want to really be his. For him to really be mine.
But it's not an option.
I play with the buttons on my coat. "I don't know."
"Don't do it for me. I will be okay."
"In California."
"We can't be together forever." She squeezes my hand. "You know that."
I know, but I still hate the thought of being three thousand miles from the only person who matters to me.
"I can't believe this. All because the guy almost broke your ankle." She laughs. "I don't know if you're lucky or unlucky."
"This is the best and worst thing that's ever happened to me."
