Page 290 of The First Time
His expression stays neutral. "We need to announce our wedding date tonight."
"Already?" My palms get clammy. This whole marriage thing is still a weight on my chest. I can do it. I will. But it makes me feel sick."
"The last Friday in April. I booked a ballroom at the Plaza. Very exclusive."
"I'm not getting married in a hotel ballroom."
Surprise fills his blue eyes. "Why not?"
"It's awful and stuffy and not at all my taste."
"What's the difference?"
"You want people to believe this or not?" I smooth my dress. "I'm getting married in a park."
"It will be cold in late April."
"I'll get a dress with sleeves."
"It might rain."
"Then it will rain," I say. "And since the season lines up, I'd like a park with cherry blossom trees."
He smiles. "You like them?"
"No, I want to get married there because I hate them." The sentence leaves me out of breath. Talking to him is impossible. Sarcasm isn't helping. It's not my strong suit. "Of course I like them. They're gorgeous."
It's not like our last ride in this limo. I trust him to understand.
"Before the accident, we would go to DC for a weekend every April just to look at the trees. My parents got all sweet and romantic. I thought it was gross back then, Mom and Dad kissing under the flowers. And I didn't understand my mom's lecture either. Every time, it was the same. 'Life is short. You need to take time to enjoy it.'" I press my back into the seat. Move my eyes to the floor. "I was a stupid teenager. Life felt long. I couldn't wait until I'd finally graduate high school, then college. I couldn't wait to be independent. Funny how quickly I became independent."
A tear wells up inside me. I squeeze my eyelids together until it retreats. This is waterproof makeup, but I'm not crying in front of Blake. He's all walls and defenses. I can't let down mine.
"It must be hard being the woman of the house." His voice is steady but there's a certain sweetness to it. Almost affection.
"Everything worth doing is hard." I meet his gaze. Smile. "I'm getting married under the damn cherry blossoms. You won't stop me."
"Are you sure you wouldn't rather save that for your real wedding?"
"Positive." Tension flares between my shoulder blades. "We'll be legally married. Our families will attend. I'm sure I'll be in a very expensive dress. That's plenty real."
"I'll get Ashleigh on finding you a dress. Tell her what you like and she'll find something for you." He looks at something on his phone. "She'll text you about setting up an appointment."
"I want to bring Lizzy."
He nods. "You should."
"Good." It feels like a victory, him suggesting my sister support me.
"Will she be your maid of honor?"
"Of course. And your best man?"
"I don't want one."
"No?"
He shakes his head. "I don't trust anyone enough."
