Page 269 of The First Time
Chapter Eleven
Lights flash. Cell phone cameras click. An actual shutter closes and opens.
We're a spectacle.
Of course we're a spectacle. A public proposal is always an event.
Blake is already at my side, his arm around my waist, his expression cool and aloof. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was a robot with only one programmed facial expression.
He's not. There's more to him, other shades. I've only seen them briefly, but I'm as sure of them as I am of anything.
Blake waves at the crowd. "If you'll excuse me, my fiancée and I would like to be alone. To celebrate."
Some people laugh. A few cheer. Everyone knowscelebrateis code forhave crazy, hot, we-just-got-engaged sex.
It's romantic. We're committing to forever. We're promising to proclaim our love in front of everyone. It's beautiful.
Except it's bullshit.
I force my lips into a smile. I force my gaze to my ring. It catches every bit of light in the room. It mocks my decision to choose money over integrity. Over honesty and love and affection.
I don't believe in karma, not usually, but I can't fight the sense I'm sealing my fate.
I'm mocking love. I'm mocking marriage. I'm mocking lifelong commitment.
My parents loved each other. Even after twenty years of marriage, they were madly in love. They still smiled and giggled like teenagers.
They even died together.
It was better that way. For them. They would have been lost without each other.
But for me…
It's been three years since the accident that killed my parents and left Lizzy in critical condition for weeks. I've been holding things together for three years, and I've never really found my footing. Everything is too expensive. And there's never enough time.
I need Blake's money. I know that.
But this gorgeous, expensive, showy ring makes me want to hurl.
It's the most beautiful horrible thing I've ever seen.
Blake's grip around my waist tightens. It's a little possessive, sure, but that part is for show.
I think.
The crowd parts for us. No, it's parting for Blake. He has that effect on people. They bend to his will.
Cool air hits my face as Blake pushes the doors open.
I lean into Blake's touch.
I soak up all his warmth.
And I hate that too.
My gesture is a lie.
I force my gaze away from the ring. We're at some fancy hotel uptown. The streets are quiet. The limo is parked at the curb. And, there, in front of it, are bare trees. But there are tiny white buds on the tree at the end of the street.
