Page 676 of Rock Me All Night
I step inside the room. His grey hair is matted to his forehead. His blue eyes, usually full of life, are tired. And he's pale. Really pale.
He looks like he's going to break. My instincts beg me to throw away this plan and do whatever it takes to make him smile. But I'm not that person anymore.
I have to do this. Even if it means I lose Dad.
"Daddy, I'm sorry," I say. "But I don't have time for small talk. You're drinking again."
He says nothing but the guilt registers all over his face.
Madison squeaks. She bites her nails, one by one. Aunt Zoe wears a pretty strong poker face but there's frustration in her eyes. She's scared too. He's her brother. Of course she's scared.
I place the brochures on his tray table. "I love you, Daddy, but I'm not going to stay in your life if you keep drinking."
"Jessie, honey, I just took it a little far this time—"
My stomach clenches. His expression is vulnerable. His lips are pale.
My knees knock together. This is hard.
Pete brings his mouth to my ear. "You can do this, baby." He squeezes me.
That helps.
I take a deep breath and adopt my most confident posture. "If you want us to stay in your life, you need to get treatment. You can pick a program that works for you, but it's not negotiable." I stare into Dad's eyes. "If you decide not to go into treatment, that's it. I'm not going to pick up your calls. I'm not going to visit. I'm not going to invite you to my wedding. I'm out of your life. Madison and Aunt Zoe feel the same way."
"Sweetie, I don't know where this is coming from," he says.
God, if he keeps deflecting, if he keeps insisting everything is fine—this might be the last time I see Dad.
"Yes you do." I stare back at him. Okay, one last bit of confidence then I can break. "I'm leaving now, and I'm not going to talk to you until you're in treatment. I'm not going to take any excuses. Okay?"
He stares at me like I'm betraying him.
Okay, he hates me. I can take that. It's better than helping him destroy himself.
"Call when you decide to great treatment." My eyes go to the floor. "I hope you do, Daddy. I hope you get healthy, because it really will kill me watching you drink yourself to death."
A tear rolls down my cheeks. I can't fight it anymore. Again, I let Pete lead. He takes me to the waiting area and wraps his arms around me.
"I've cried more in the last three months than I have the last three years." I squeeze him back. "I'm sorry."
"You apologizing for your feelings?"
"No… Almost."
"Don't. I'm glad you're crying." He laughs. "Don't mean it like that."
"What a horrible boyfriend," I tease. "You're supposed to like it when I'm happy."
He looks down at me, his eyes brimming with affection. "I'm glad you're letting it out." He pats his shoulder. "This is yours, whenever you need it."
I run my fingertips over his other shoulder. "What about that one?"
"That one too."
"What about…" I drag my fingers down his chest and stomach.
"Don't tempt me, baby." He motions to a door on the opposite side of the hallway. "One more word and I'm dragging you to that closet."
My lips curl into a smile. "But is it?"
"You really have to ask?"
I shake my head.
