Page 579 of Rock Me All Night
17
Pete'sgood mood slips when we get back to his place. He goes off to his room to work on a song. It must be true—there is music flowing from his door—but it's not exactly him being straight with me.
I want to talk to him. I want to pry his head open and look at all his thoughts. But I can't take him pushing back. Not right now.
After I unpack my books and organize my clothes, I say fuck it, and I give in to the allure of the glowing aqua pool.
There's some noise in the backyard. Mostly birds, breeze, a far away car driving through the neighborhood. I can see the hills for miles. I can see Downtown, the cluster of skyscrapers that makes up Century City, the white letters of the Hollywood sign.
I don't have a swimsuit. Pete's room has a view of the pool. The sun is setting. There's no reason why I need to be shy. I strip to nothing and dip my feet in the pool.
It takes me a minute to ease myself into the cool water. The chlorine will do awful things to my hair, I'm sure, but I don't care. I dive under the surface.
The water is refreshing, inviting. I swim in circles until the sun sets then I settle in the shallow end and turn my eyes towards the setting sun.
The backyard door pulls open. There are footsteps on the concrete. I don't have to turn to know they belong to Pete. No one else is here.
"Hey." His deep voice cuts through the backyard.
"Hey." My voice is not nearly as loud or confident.
I watch him strip out of his jeans, t-shirt, underwear. What is he doing—coming closer, pulling away, holding position? I don't know what to make of his reactions anymore.
My thoughts turn off as I watch him slide into the pool. The glow of the water casts highlights over his face. It makes his deep brown eyes look even more intense.
He moves closer. Closer. Then he's a foot away, close enough to touch.
"Been thinking," he says. "I'm asking too much of you. Fucking up your life."
"You're not."
"Listen to this before you argue with me."
I stare back at him. I know he's wrong, but I'm willing to listen. I nod an okay.
"It's only gonna get worse, this fame bullshit. I don't want that for you." He moves closer. "I'm giving you an out. If you can't do this anymore, you can walk. Keep the money. No hard feelings."
"What about your manager, Aiden?"
"I can deal with him." His fingertips brush my chin. "This is it. If you stay, you have to be in. You have to be sure."
I drag my fingers over the promise I scribbled on his chest. "I was sure this afternoon and I'm sure now." My chest and shoulders feel light. It's obvious. I need him. I can't walk away.
"Don't like that I'm fucking up your life."
"I've dealt with worse." I rise to my tip toes and run my fingers through his dark hair. It's still dry. I'll have to change that. "All I've done since I moved to L.A. is work and read. I was too tired to do anything else. Now, I'm going to law school, I'm getting a hell of a tour around town, and I… I've never had sex like this before."
Some of the doubt in his eyes fades away.
"I like hanging out with you. Like that I can be myself. I trust you." I press my body against his. "I know we aren't together, but we are friends, right?"
"Yeah."
"You're the closest friend I've had in a long time. I won't throw that away."
He's still far away. I don't like it. I want him here, with me, in this amazing moment. We're naked in a pool. The air is warm. The water is just right. Other parts of my life are still fucked, but this is paradise.
I point to the writing on my chest. "You made a promise."
