Page 487 of Rock Me All Night
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The wind rustles the bushes. The freeway hums with the steady flow of traffic. A car pulls into a parking space and its engine turns off.
Tom stares at me.
Silent.
My heart pounds against my chest. It's so loud and he's so quiet.
I pinch myself to check that I'm awake. Still in the sunshine, on the concrete outside some clean Orange County hospital.
Still breathing.
"You should probably respond, or I'm going to start to believe what Drew said about you playing me," I say.
Tom blinks. "You can't love me."
It's like I'm punched in the gut. Air rushes out of my lungs. I have to dig my heels into the concrete to manage any balance. How can he believe that, much less say it?
Still, he stares at me, silent.
"I do love you," I say.
"You just think—"
"I don't think anything. I know I love you. I feel it everywhere. I can't breathe without feeling how much I love you. It knocks me over. Hell, look at me. I can barely stand up straight and I'm wearing Keds. There's no thinking involved."
"Willow..."
He looks sad. Like he pities me. My stomach clenches. Anything but pity. Even hate.
"I..."
I stare back into his eyes with as much strength as I can muster. "I want to stay and help with your mom, but I can't be around you unless I know you love me, too."
"No one has ever loved me before."
"That's not true. Your mom, Pete, they both love you so much. Drew and Miles, too."
He stares into my eyes. "You can't go. I'll be worried sick."
I take a step backwards. "I love you, Tom. I want to be your friend. But I can't do it right now. It hurts too much not being your everything."
"I don't know what to say."
"That's a first."
He half-smiles. "Willow, I want to. I do. But I—"
"Please don't finish that sentence. Just think about it and, whatever it is, tell me later." I step backwards. "You should be with your family right now. I'll see you—"
He reaches for me. "Don't go."
"I have to. If you care about me at all, you'll respect that."
"I do care about you. I just—"
"Stop. Please."
