Page 403 of Rock Me All Night
"What did they do?"
"Nothing. At first. Eventually they decided to let someone else deal with it, and they sent me to boarding school."
"Willow..." Tom's expression darkens. "Did he rape you?"
My heart thuds against my chest. "Only once. In the beginning, first eight or nine months, I said yes. I wasn't quite ready, but I wanted to make him happy. After a while, I couldn't take how empty it made me feel, and I told him I didn't want to have sex anymore."
"And after that?"
I take a deep breath. I've told people what happened but only in vague terms. Never in this much detail. Never the ugly parts that show off how weak I was to take him back again and again.
"I guess... back then I still thought that love could be that ugly. That it could include calling someone a cunt or a bastard until they were crying. My parents were vicious with each other. Our place was nice by San Francisco standards, but it was small enough that I could hear every insult, every sob. Bradley, my ex... at first he seemed safe. He was older, a college football player. Even after he started to lose his temper... he always tried so hard to apologize, to prove he loved me. I guess I wanted to believe in love. That someone loved me."
I lean into Tom. He still feels good, safe. There's no way I can be just friends with him. There's no way I can do anything but fall in love with him.
"We were together for such a long time. It got all mixed up. I really believed that he loved me, that he only hurt me because he lost control. Things were bad with my parents. I didn't have anyone to talk to. Drew thought they couldn't get divorced fast enough. But I couldn't stand the idea of our family being torn apart. It feels stupid now—"
Tom presses his cheek against my neck. "Everybody wants their family together."
"I'm sure you went through worse than I did."
"It's not a competition."
"You can talk about it if you want." I play with my skirt. "I'm a pretty good listener."
"Another time."
"I want to know you, Tom. All that pain that you pretend you don't feel."
"Not right now, kid. I want to hear this."
I nod. "The night that it happened... That he raped me... It was right after my parents announced the divorce. They got into this horrible fight and they kept going at it. I snuck out sometime after midnight. I had to be somewhere else."
"How old were you?"
"Fifteen."
"Jesus." His expression darkens but he says nothing.
"Bradley was in a bad mood. Drunk. Like normal, but he didn't stop at normal. He didn't stop when I said no." My fingers brush his palm. "I didn't fight back. He was bigger than I was. There was no point in struggling. In trying to leave before he was asleep or passed out."
Tom squeezes my hand.
"Drew showed up sometime that night. I don't remember exactly how it went, just that he took me home, made sure I was safe, and left to settle the score. I was sure Bradley was going to kill him. Or that he'd end up in jail. I cried so hard my throat closed." I take a deep breath. "He came home bruised and bloody. His hand was broken. The doctor told him he might never be able to play guitar the same way. If he lost that... I would never have forgiven myself."
"Do you parents know what happened?"
"Bits and pieces. I filed for a restraining order. A few months later, mom sent me to boarding school. I'm not sure if it was because she was sick of me lying or because she was worried about my safety. It didn't matter. It was better than seeing them fight all the time."
"That must have broke your heart."
I nod.
Tom runs his hand through my hair. "I'm sorry you went through that."
"Thanks."
He looks out the window. His expression hardens. "I doubt it's what you want to hear at the moment, but if anyone ever hurts you like that again, I'll kill him."
