Page 268 of Rock Me All Night
That certainly sounds like Drew.
"I didn't want to see her after the tour. We'd sit there, watching a movie, not talking, not fucking because we didn't care about each other enough to bother. Certainly didn't trust each other enough to go bareback."
"You are aware of condoms."
"Yes, Kendrick, I am aware of condoms. But asking your girl if you should wear one out of nowhere is accusing her of cheating."
"Was she cheating?"
"Hardly matters at this point. I wasn't invested anymore. Our second tour, shit got really bad. We’d fight, ignore each other, make apologies we didn’t mean. One night, I was too fucking tired to do it anymore. She was crying and threatening to end things if I didn't skip the show to talk to her. Aidan was screaming at me to get on stage. So I dared her to end things and that was it."
"You must have learned something."
"Yeah," he says. "I learned I drive girls crazy. I swore off relationships. But touring is hard. You're away from home, you're stuck with loud, opinionated guys for sixteen hours straight. By the end of the night, I needed something that would make me feel alive. Something besides my guitar. I thought it would be okay if I was clear it was just sex, but it never worked out that way."
My head flashes with images of Drew fucking away his pain.
"I don't want that to happen to you," he says. "You mean more to me than anyone ever has."
"Even your ex?"
"That was an immature infatuation."
My heart thuds against my chest. "So what is this?"
"More than that." He takes my hand. "I'm not gonna say it, Kara—not until I'm sure—but my feelings for you are a whole lot more than like."
So I'm mad for a guy who can't say the word love. There are worse things in life.
In theory.
I take a deep breath. "What does that mean?"
"I need you to help me figure out this relationship thing. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you what I need."
"I like that idea."
"Good." He runs his fingers through my hair. "So tell me why you were upset this afternoon."
"What if I don't want to talk about it?"
He rubs his cheek against mine. "I want to hear about it."
I lean in to his touch.
"I need to hear about it." He lowers his voice. "I need to know every thought inside your brain."
"Those don't sound like very healthy boundaries."
"How about we compromise at ninety-nine percent of your thoughts?"
"Your definition of the word compromise is different than mine."
"Yeah, I figured," he says. "So, a flat ninety percent sounds good?"
"Drew."
He runs his fingertips over my outer ear. "I want to help you with this."
