Page 267 of Rock Me All Night
"What bad traits?"
"I let my best friend drive me crazy instead of demanding he put up or shut up."
"That so?"
"Oh, it's so." I slide my fingertips over his forearms. "I have a weakness for guitarists with tattoos."
"And great bodies?"
"Well, obviously." I take a deep breath. "I hide my feelings from everyone and I never let anyone help me."
"I noticed." His voice is soft, giving. "I didn't get back in touch with you so I could fuck you."
"I hope not. You'd have some really terrible game to take this long."
He laughs. "I was desperate to talk to someone who would treat me like a person."
"As opposed to?"
"Some kind of rock idol." He leans closer. "Vivian and I broke up and then I went through some bad shit. When I bounced back, I tried hard to remember the last time I really cared about someone. And that was you."
"So I'm your rebound best friend?"
"Yeah. But you're more than that." He kisses my ear. "You're everything."
He makes this so fucking difficult.
I take a deep breath. "Why don't you tell me about that?"
He moves closer. " It doesn't paint me in a good light."
"I want to know the ugly parts of you too."
Drew's voice gets heavy. "My relationship with Vivian was a train wreck. It was the first time I had a girlfriend beyond that high school ‘date for a month, make out at lunch because you have nothing in common but popularity’ shit."
I cringe, trying not to remember seeing Drew with other girls in high school.
"It was casual until the first Sinful tour. She made this big deal about keeping in touch. It was nice, at first, having someone back home to talk to. Went bad so fast. She manipulated me to get my attention. I was an asshole. When we broke up, I swore I'd never be that jealous again."
I scoff. "This is you trying not to be jealous?"
"I'm trying to give you a meaningful speech here. Don't sass me."
"Then don't say stupid things."
He bites my neck. "You keep using that mouth and I'm going to get distracted."
Sharp inhale. Slow exhale. Not getting distracted. Not at all. "What was so train wreck about it?"
"We'd fight one day. She'd say whatever she could to hurt me as much as she could. Then, the next day we'd make up and she'd cry and say whatever she could to win me over. I don't blame her. I was just as awful. I told her I loved her, but I didn't feel it. I thought it would be better telling her what she wanted to hear, but deep down, she saw through it. It made everything worse."
"You knew you didn’t love her?"
He nods. “Deep down, I knew that love felt different. Stronger. But I wanted to make her happier.” His voice softens. “The words felt like a lie. They were hollow. Something to recite at the end of a phone call. Ruined any chance we had. I couldn’t take it back. I couldn’t look at her the same way. She became the girl I was supposed to love but didn’t.”
“You never fell in love with her?”
"Never. By that point, I didn’t even like her. Ask me now, and I can't tell you a single thing I ever liked about her. But I had to win. I had to prove I was right, that I wouldn't be the one to give up on our relationship."
