Page 116 of Rock Me All Night
"Wouldn't you rather see your family?" I ask.
"Sinful Serenade is my family." His voice gets low. "I don't usually talk about my family."
"I'm not going to push you." It's clear that pushing him to talk to me fails. And it's not at all pushing someone who would rather stay closed off.
His eyes turn to the ground. "Here's the thing, Meg. I'm only telling you this so you understand why I'll never fall in love with you."
My breath catches in my throat. "I know. We're friends."
Miles stares through me. "And you're sure you're okay with that?"
"Absolutely." I press my hand into my jeans. "This relationship is just sex."
He nods. "My dad left when I was in middle school. Bored of the whole suburban thing. I was angry. I did nothing but play my guitar and get into trouble. But my mom… she fell apart. She couldn't get out of bed, couldn't even bother to get herself to the shower. It broke her heart. That's what love does, it breaks your heart."
Miles's eyes fill up with this mix of hatred and frustration. His dad leaving must have hurt so much. And then his mom… he's never talked about her before.
"But she… now…" I can't bring myself to ask the question. I already know it leads down some dark and stormy path. He has no family that matters. His mom must not be…
His gaze drifts to the window. He focuses on something far off in the distance, like he's lost in thought. It must be a whole minute before he looks back to me.
"She killed herself," he says.
My stomach drops with a thud. My fingers slip. Oh no. My cup hits the ground. Then there's coffee everywhere. "Oh, God. I better get that."
I jump out of my seat. Napkins. I need napkins. They're by the counter, by the perky employee who doesn't know that Miles doesn't do boyfriend, that he believes love can only break you.
I grab a stack.
The perky employee spots the puddle of coffee. "I can get that."
"No, it's okay." She's not hearing it. She slides out from the counter with a white washcloth, rushes to Miles, drops to her knees, and mops up the coffee.
His eyes find mine, but he says nothing. I try to turn myself into stone. I try to give nothing away, but everything around me feels heavy.
He’s gone through so much. He hurts so much. And he mentions it casually in the middle of a coffee shop.By the way, my mom killed herself and that's why I have all these intimacy issues. Want to fuck in the bathroom?
Deep breath.
The employee finishes mopping. She smiles at Miles. At me. Totally oblivious to the change in atmosphere.
"I'll make you another. Latte, extra shot, right?" she asks.
I nod and return to my seat. "Sorry."
"That's about what I expected." He picks up the remaining half of my sandwich and hands it to me. "You're clumsy when you're hungry."
"I'm sorry you went through all that."
There's vulnerability in his expression. "I survived."
My heart thuds against my chest. "You're alone."
His expression hardens. "I've been alone a long time. It's easier that way."
"Oh."
Miles is silent. Of course he's silent. He's been alone a long time. It's easier that way.
