Page 101 of Rock Me All Night
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Icatcha ride with Kara and hang out on the couch while she sets up for her party. Tom tries to make conversation. Then Pete. I send them both away, claiming a pressing desire to read, and hide out on the upstairs terrace.
Really, I'm trying to build up the confidence to change into my costume. It's in my bag, in Kara's car. I know it will affect Miles. I know exactly the reaction it will cause—his jaw will drop and his teeth will sink into his lower lip—but I'm concerned about the reaction it inspires in others.
It's not as if reminding Miles he wants me will help matters. He knows he wants me. The problem is that he won't offer himself to me. I need to accept that. It's just sex. Just pleasure. Just feeling good. Him locking me out of his heart—that doesn't feel good. That stings worse than anything has since Rosie died.
My heart needs to get over how much it wants his. That's not happening.
The sunset casts an orange glow over the hills. The view here is gorgeous—the Hollywood sign, the downtown L.A. skyline, the gridlocked streets all the way to the coast.
Rock stars get all the breaks.
"How come every time I see you, you look like you're waiting to be mounted?" Miles positions his body next to mine.
Instantly, my senses are overwhelmed. I remind myself that emotional intimacy is off the table, but my damn heart refuses to comprehend.
I stare into his gorgeous blue eyes. He's still defensive. I can't take it.
I push myself to my feet. "Excuse me."
"Talk to me."
"You were gone this morning. No note, no goodbye, nothing."
"I had to take care of something."
"What?"
"Band shit. It's not interesting." He rubs my shoulder. "I don't get to say I miss you. I don't get to say I love your laugh. Sounds like you shouldn't expect me to leave you notes telling you where I'm going to be."
He's making a compelling point. I hate that he's making a compelling point. I hate how reasonable he is. The acid churning in my stomach feels entirely unreasonable.
Iamthe one who demanded we dial back the feelings. Why can't my heart get on board with that?
I clear my throat. "You're right. As usual. Does it ever get tiring being right?" It's half teasing, half aggressive.
"Sometimes."
"Why did you come over last night?" I ask. "Why did you hold me and ask about my sister?"
"You called me." Miles looks up at me. "I'm respecting your terms, Meg."
"Is that what you want—for this to be all benefits, no friendship included?"
"It's what we agreed to." His expression shifts, back to cool and unflappable.
My heartbeat picks up. I still can't cause the reaction I want. But I can take my power back. I can be in the one in control of this.
"Excuse me. I need to change for the party." I nod goodbye. "I'll see you later."
His eyes stay on me, but, still, he says nothing.
* * *
Downstairs, the party is filling up. I plow through two dozen people to find Kara. She's already tipsy. Verging on drunk, even.
She slurs her words. "Sweetie, where have you been? Do you want a drink? You should have a drink."
