Page 3 of Dear Brother's Best Friend
I can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy at what Hayden has with Jodie. I’ve dated casually for a few years now, but I’m ready to settle down myself—the only problem is I have to find the right person to want to spend my life with.
My last girlfriend, Jasmine, started dropping proposal hints to me after only four months of dating. When I told her I wasn't ready, I realized that what I really meant was that I wasn't prepared to settle down with her. We hardly had anything in common, and I couldn't see myself spending the rest of my life with her. Eventually, I tried to be honest, but she didn't take the news well, and a lot of my stuff got thrown against the wall that day. Note to self, never break up with a woman in your house where she is more than happy to break your shit so that she can feel better.
I push away the memory, and I flip over the yellow envelope I’ve been writing on. My name is written in cursive font on the front. I didn’t think anything of it at the time when I grabbed it to make my notes on it. I rip the edge of the envelope, careful not to tear on the part that I’ve made my speech notes. I pull out the letter inside.
Dear Dylan,
This is hard to write this to you, but I know it would be impossible to say aloud. There are only a handful of constants in my life, and you are one of them. I’ve known you practically my whole life. From the jokester Dylan to protector Dylan to listener Dylan, I’ve seen the many sides of you, and I've loved them all. It’s hard to imagine not having you there when I need you, but that is why I’m writing this letter to you. I’ve held on so tightly to the love I’ve felt for you when I was younger that I know that I haven’t allowed myself to get serious with anyone else. Your face is always the one I see when I close my eyes and imagine my life ten, twenty, or fifty years in the future. But I know that you don't see me as anything more than Hayden's little sister when you look at me. It breaks my heart, but I’ve finally resigned myself to the minimal role I will get to play in your life story. This letter will never reach you, but I’m hoping that now that I’m finally writing these words down, I can face the reality of my situation and move on for good. Whoever you find to settle down with, I hope she knows how lucky she is to have you—I know I would.
Sincerely Yours,
Cassidy
It’s like there is a sound of a record player scratching in my head. Or the sound of brakes squealing, followed by the crunch of metal. I’m so taken aback by this letter from Cassidy that I pinch my arm to make sure that I’m not dreaming.
“Ouch,” I mumble to myself.
The older woman in the seat next to me looks over from her gossip magazine.
“Are you alright, dear?”
I look over at her, unsure how to answer it. Instead, I hand her the letter. Maybe she can make sense of this. She takes the letter and reads it over.
"Oh, dear." She looks back up at me. "I think we might need to get you a drink."
I nod once as she lifts her hand to call over the flight attendant.
3
DYLAN
I talk everything over with my seatmate, Margaret. She helps me realize that every excuse in my head on why nothing can happen between Cassidy and me has nothing to do with my lack of interest but more with not wanting to mess with the relationships I have with her family. Hayden is my best friend, and I can't imagine he'd be too thrilled about Cassidy and me together. Hayden and Cassidy’s parents are like a second mom and dad to me. I couldn’t lose that relationship after all that they’ve done for me.
I pull out my phone and scroll through some of the pictures that I took at the engagement party a few months back. I skip one after another, with only one face I want to see. I stop on a picture of Cassidy talking with Eddie, an old friend of mine and Hayden’s from college. I’m not sure why I took the picture at the time, but the jealously I suddenly feel when I look at it surprises me.
Eddie is making a funny face, undoubtedly in the middle of some crazy story about some misadventure he’s had over the years. Cassidy is laughing with her hand on his arm. That simple but intimate touch is more than anything I’ve shared with her in years. The realization of this fact shocks me. I never touch Cassidy—not a handshake, or high five, or a hug. Have I been subconsciously keeping her at arm's length to protect myself from realizing my feelings for her?
I use my thumb and forefinger to zoom in on the photo, cropping Eddie out completely, so I can only see Cassidy. She’s probably the most beautiful woman I’ve never let myself notice until now. It’s like a forbidden filter has been over my eyes because there was too much to lose if I ever acted on what I felt. But right now, her letter has removed the filter, and I see her more clearly than ever.
“Is that your young lady?” Margaret asks as she leans over to look closer at the screen on my cellphone.
“She’s not mine,” I say. “Not yet, at least.”
CASSIDY
Dylan’s flight landed about an hour ago. Hayden already left to pick him up, leaving me with Jodie at the private hotel bungalow we are staying in. She had an incident earlier where the stress got to her. She found out that her bag carrying her veil and most of her makeup was put on the wrong flight and might not make it in time for the wedding. Let’s just say that Hayden is probably going to have to pay for the damage to the wall from where she threw the glass vase of flowers. I did what I could to calm her down, explaining that we can replace the makeup easily and that I’m sure there is a store on the island that has a veil similar to the one she originally had.
“Thank you for staying with me,” Jodie says, not lifting the washcloth she has draped over her eyes. "I know I lost it back there, but I'm not sure I can take anymore bad news about this wedding I've spent so long planning."
I know that weddings are super stressful, and it probably doesn’t help that she had a huge falling out with her maid of honor not so long ago. I know that it would way on me if I was about to get married and got in a fight with Lucy or Maren or Willa.
“Don’t even worry about it,” I tell her. “Can I get you some aspirin or something for your headache?”
“It won’t help. When my headaches get like this, the only way to make them go away is darkness and quiet.”
I take this as my cue to leave her alone. I can go sit out on the patio by the private pool that overlooks the ocean. I can’t swim, but the view will be spectacular.
“I’m going to leave you alone to rest up a bit before Hayden gets back with Dylan.”
