Page 21 of Covert
Chapter eight
Beckett
Nikki looks like hell.
I don't know what happened last night, but she got drunk and then she and Leana put on a goddamn strip tease. I don't know what's going on between Maddox and Diesel, but there's drama there. I think Maddox wants her, but is too constipated emotionally to do anything about it.
I've kept my feelings to myself. No one needs to know how much I want her, especially her. She'd do something to make me feel even more comfortable with her, and I'd fall a little more. She's gorgeous, that's easy enough for anyone to see. Fair skin, black wavy hair, gorgeous curves. I wouldn't be falling for her if she were just a pretty girl.
It's her. It's how she went out of her way to understand me; how she unapologetically moved things around to make me more comfortable in my daily life. She heard my story and instead of judging me or, worse, pitying me, she simply made smart changes in how we operate that I never would have asked for myself.
She didn't even ask Maddox if she could. She simply did, and when he commented on what she was doing, she simply popped her hands on her hips and glared at him, daring him to tell her to change it.
He didn't, he just didn't want to admit that it was smart and thoughtful.
It's the way she feels the need to prove to me that she trusts me. It's how, for once, she makes me feel like my size is attractive. It's theloyalty she decided was mine the moment we met. It's her soulful eyes, and the way her bubbly no-shits-given personality seems to be the mask she wears over a lifetime of suffering. When she thinks no one is looking, she lets her mask slip a little, and I see a very tired, very sad woman.
No. It's the inside of Nikki that I'm falling in love with. It's in the way she looks at me, soft and caring. Like, she might actually like me back. Like, one day, she could love me back.
And it terrifies me. Because what if I can't be that man for her? What if I never get over my phobia? What if I never get to hold her hand or feel how soft her lips are? What if she's it for me, and I have to watch her walk away? How many years can I work here, watching her, wanting her, and not being able to touch her? I want to protect her, just like she’s protected me. I want to provide for her, make sure she never feels any kind of pain.
So, when she comes out of the bathroom, looking pale and a little green, I pull out my phone and place an order.
She shuffles to the front desk, but winces when the doorbell chimes about twenty minutes later.
"I've got an order for Nikki?" The boy's voice shouts.
I keep my head down, spraying my bench and making sure the cart is fully stocked for the day as I listen to her take the bag and the boy leave again.
"Oo! Waffle house? Can I have some?" Axel asks, bouncing over and peering over her shoulder.
I risk a glance up, her mouth hangs a little agape as she looks up at Axel, who is already digging in the bag, to Maddox, to me. I look away. I don't want to make a big deal out of it. It's just a little food.
I listen as she walks up next to me. I'm still pretending to be busy in my cart, arranging and rearranging needles, even as I can see her black ballet flats from the corner of my eye.
Finally, I look up to meet her eyes.
"Would you share with me?" she asks. I look behind her and see Axel chewing on something - her breakfast, probably.
I nod. "But only if you go home after this. I can man the desk."
"Are you sure?"
I nod again. She needs a greasy breakfast and to sleep off the hangover; she doesn't need a twelve-hour shift talking to people.
I tilt my head in the direction of the back sitting area, directing her to meet me there, before I snatch the bag out of Axel's hand.
"Is your name Nikki?" I scold. Axel's eyes widen. I've never scolded him before. His face falls as he realizes why I'm chastising him now.
"Fuck, man. You, too?"
I know what he's asking, but there's no way I can possibly answer him. Yeah, I ike her. And yeah, I've noticed the other two do too. But no, I'm not going to do anything about it. How could I?
Ignoring his pitying stare, I sit on the leather couch next to Nikki, so we can both use the small table. I pull out the two containers of food and open them, before moving most of it to one, and only saving a piece of bacon for myself.
She gives a tiny grunt of disapproval before she spears two pancakes and drops them in my container, too. She tries to scoop up some hashbrowns, too, but I pull my tray away before she can give me that portion, too.
We eat in comfortable silence for a while. I chew my bacon a lot longer than I need to, because I enjoy being this close to her withoutpanicking. We're not quite touching at the hip, but we're sitting closer than I've sat next to a woman in a long time.
