Page 49 of Covert
Nikki
Iwake up surrounded by warmth. I smell Beckett's body soap and sheets, and feel his soft, rhythmic breathing under my hand. But there's a warmth at my back, too.
Still groggy and half-asleep, I turn to my left to find Axel snuggled up behind me.
His deep brown eyes are already open, and I frown at the bags under his eyes.
"Morning, handsome," I whisper, so as not to wake Beckett.
He doesn't reply.
"You okay? You're not sleeping."
He shakes his head.
I caress his cheek. "We'll find her. I know we will."
He's silent again.
I continue to caress his cheek with my thumb, wanting to offer whatever comfort I can.
I scoot forward and wrap my arms around him, burying my face in his chest.
"You didn't come last night," he whispers against my hair.
"I'm sorry. Beckett wanted me to stay."
He nods slowly. "You're good for him, you know."
I shrug. "I think we're good for each other." I look up at him again. "Are you mad?"
His deep brown eyes find mine. "No. I just missed you last night."
"I'm sorry. Maybe we can figure out how to make it work with the three of us. Maybe Beckett and I can sleep in your bed while you work. Or maybe, even better, you come to sleep with us. You're killing yourself staying up all night."
He's silent for a long while, and his usual cheerful, happy-go-lucky, playful mask is completely gone. I thread my fingers through his and bring them to my mouth, kissing each of his knuckles slowly.
"Wha-what if I stop?"
"What?"
"What if I stop looking for her? It's been years. The cops can't find her. The likelihood of her being already dead gets higher every day we don't find her."
I honestly don't know what to say to that. If he stops scouring the dark web at night, his mental health will improve. But is giving up hope really the right answer?
"What's harder on you? Looking? Or not looking?" I feel for Maddox. The loss of a sibling hurts. Not knowing if they're okay or not. Not knowing if they're even alive or not. But finding her isn't Axel's responsibility. It's not even Maddox's. It's the police's job. And if they've not found her, it's for a reason. Maybe she doesn't want to be found.
I snuggle closer to him. Wrapping my arms around his waist now and pulling him into a hug.
"I don't know," he whispers, running a hand down my hair.
"I want whatever is best for you. You deserve a whole life, Axel. You deserve sleep. You deserve to rest."
He kisses my forehead silently in response.
Beckett rolls over and presses his chest into my back, wrapping an arm around my waist, but doesn't wake.
And just like that, the three of us, broken by our own pasts, find comfort and maybe even a little bit a healing in each other's arms.
