Page 16 of Covert
He must see the pain on my face, because he grabs my hand in his and stands. I can feel the death glare Candy's giving me, so I'm only too grateful for the escape.
"How about I show you around?" I wipe the stray tear away and rise with him. I check in with Leana, who is happily engaged in a conversation with Hawk and another girl. I touch her shoulder.
"Hey, you good? I'm going to walk around for a bit." She smiles up at me happily. She's in her element, meeting new people, learning their stories. It gives me the confidence to leave her for the moment, knowing she'd kick the ass of anyone who would cross her.
My bruised heart finally gives in to the fantasy that my life is different, and I let Diesel lead me away from the bonfire, hand in hand. His hand is warm, but rough, and everything masculine.
He gives me the rundown on the clubhouse, who lives there, and who lives in the trailers and cabins surrounding it. He explains the woods, how the property is set up, and located to be the most secure, and out of the spotlight as possible. How the original prez bought hundreds of acres for pennies on the dime because he knew the owner was cheating on his wife. Because he was also sleeping with the wife. It wouldn't have been so bad, both husband and wife getting caught,but the husband was a Catholic priest, and he got caught with another man.
He brings me to a small cabin next to the woods, and instinctively, I know it's his.
He doesn't invite me inside. Instead, as we round the side of his cabin, he pushes me against the wall and crowds me. My breath leaves my body in anticipation of what's about to happen.
"Can I kiss you? I can't stop thinking about you." I know I should say 'no'. My body's screaming at me to say 'no'. But the sad little girl inside of me wants to be kissed, wants to be desired, wants to give in to this fantasy that this could be more.
I lick my lips, catching his eyes, before nodding. He spears a hand through my hair and angles my head up to him before his lips crash against mine. His kiss is bold but leaves room for me. I meet his kiss with pressure of my own. His lips are soft, but his beard scratches the skin around my lips. He presses his chest against me, and I revel in the hard feel of him. His lips are all-consuming, demanding, and passionate. He licks the seam of my lips, and I open for him.
I wrap my arms around his neck and melt into him. In my mind, I'm not Nikki Smith. I'm a normal girl, living a normal life, kissing a normal boy.
He groans and brings his hips against mine. His body consumes mine. He's all hard muscle, scratchy beard, and smells like a bonfire and whiskey. It's intoxicating, and I'm an addict. I want more. I want more of the feel of his hard muscles under my hand, the taste of him, the smell of him. I want him to make me forget. Forget who I am.
I could fuck him tonight. Just for tonight. In his cabin. And then we could move on and never see each other again. But in my heart, Ialready know he's too far gone for me. If we had sex, he'd take it to mean something more, and I can't give him what he wants. No matter how badly I want to give it to him.
I pull back with what little space is left between me at the cabin wall. I rest my forehead against his. We're both panting, our breaths fanning each other's faces. My eyes are pinched shut as I commit everything about this moment to memory. When I'm a thousand miles from her in a new town, I'll pull this memory out and treasure it.
"I can't. I'm sorry," I whisper, my hands still clinging to his shoulders. I absentmindedly rub a strand of his silky hair through my fingers. My mouth is telling him 'No' while my body is telling him 'Yes!' and I know it's so unfair to give him mixed signals, but my own conscience is warring with my logic, and I'm barely capable of making the right choice. I'm just so tired.
"You won't? Or you can't?"
I let out a sad chuckle. "Both?"
"Fuck, Nikki. I haven't been able to get you out of my head. You're all I can think about. The boys tease me because I'm so gone for you."
I groan. I don't want him to be gone for me.
"I don't date. I can't. It's complicated."
"Uncomplicate it for me."
I run my hands over the hard muscles of his back, covered with a soft t-shirt.
"My life...is complicated. I can't date anyone. It's...not safe..." I try to explain without explaining. I already know he's not going to take my explanation. It's flimsy. But I can't tell him who I am. I have to protect him and myself.
He runs his nose along mine. "Baby girl, I'll keep you safe. I can protect you."
Baby girl.My heart clenches again at the sweet pet name. I've never had a pet name before.
I shake my head weakly. "It's not like that. You'd be the one in danger. And I can't protect you." He leans back to study my face. I feel raw and exposed. I don't want him to see my heart actively breaking, so I grab his hand again.
"We should get back to the party."
I can see the war happening inside of him. He doesn't want to go back. He wants to press me, to ask questions, to challenge me. But the kinder side of him wins, and he nods, not asking questions, and follows me back to the bonfire.
We resume our seats from earlier, but continue to hold hands. I let my thumb rub circles against his. It's an apology? A promise? A thank you?
When it gets late enough that people start to disperse, Diesel walks Leana and me back to her car. I'm nervous about the awkward goodbye, but he stands for none of it. He grips me by the back of the neck and drags me to him, kissing the shit out of me. I'm dizzy on his lips and tongue and taste, until he releases me. He grins at the obvious effect he has on me before depositing me into Leana's passenger seat.
"I'll be seeing you around," he says with a kiss to my hair and a promise.
