Page 21 of Going Rogue
She wanted to find out. That much she knew for certain. She’d been fooling herself into believing she felt content with being alone. But a part of her had always recognized the lie for what it was. Maybe shecouldhave sex without getting attached, and it would fill the hollowness in her chest.
If she was going to try it with anyone . . . it would be Crane.
“Rogan . . .” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “It’s really hard not to kiss you when you look at me like that.”
Her gaze fell to his mouth. His lips partedslightly, and his breath caught. Remembering what his kiss had felt like, she wanted to experience that again.
But now wasn’t the time.
She blinked and leaned away from him. Gesturing with the gun in her hand, she said, “You watch that side. I’ll take this one.” Then, she turned away and stared into the darkness while her thoughts whirled.
She wanted to have sex with Crane. Not now, obviously, but if they made it through this and were able to use that bed in the guest tent . . . her stomach jumped, and she settled a hand over it.
When would she get another opportunity like this? She’d moved past the point of caring they worked together. By the time they caught up to the rest of the team, who knew whether that would still be the case. At this rate, she’d likely lost her job with TOP. And even if they didn’t dismiss her after the bungled operation, did she want to keep working on a team who’d left her to die?
The question unsettled her stomach. If shedidleave TOP, this may well be the last time she saw Crane. Could she lay with himonce and let it only be about achieving a release from the stigma attached to remaining innocent?
The last twenty-four hours had been too many close calls. She didn’t want to die a virgin. Never having experienced sex. How pathetic would that be?
Sharing the bed could be her chance to, if not conquer her fear, at least face it because she was definitely attracted to him—very attracted. Her brain conjured the image of the muscles in his forearm flexing as he’d wrung out the cloth he’d used to wash her face. She’d nearly drooled over the prominent veins covered in dark hair, another testament to his strength. She wanted to see what the rest of his body looked like.
One night.
Then, they’d part ways when they made it out of this country. She wouldn’t need to worry about sex becoming a relationship or the risks involved in forming an attachment.
He wouldn’t get the chance to leave her.
There was just one problem . . .she didn’t know how todothat—a one-night stand. She’d never tried to seduce a man before and hadn’t ever cared to learn how.
“Let’s sit.” His voice startled her out of her thoughts. He didn’t sound upset that she’d changed the subject as he reached for her hand. He gave it a squeeze, almost as if he understood what she hadn’t been able to say. “Who knows how long we’ll be here.”
He tugged her to the ground with him, and they positioned their backs to one another, each facing an end of the tunnel. His felt so sturdy against hers that she relaxed. Knowing she could rely on him and that they protected each other settled her pulse. Adrenaline still kept her alert, but the edge of fear riding it had been knocked off.
Even while the earth started to tremble around them. With her weapon aimed into the darkness and Crane holding her free hand, Rogue prepared herself to fight. Because that rumble meant the militants were getting closer.
CHAPTER 8
Rogue
A swarm of locusts descended on her stomach, and she fought the urge to jump away from Crane. The reaction wouldn’t aid her plan to seduce him.
They’d climbed out of the spider hole less than an hour after they climbed in. The Bedouin leader had been right. The militants didn’t know about the tunnel. They’d torn through the camp, upending furniture and scattering objects in their search, but hadn’t ventured near her and Crane’s hiding place.
She could breathe easily again. At least, she had been able to until Crane brushed his thumb against her lip as they crouched on the rugs knee to knee. They’d just finishedremaking the bed in the guest tent after the Bedouins turned down their offer to help put the camp to rights. She thought maybe they worried about any more interactions in case the militants returned. The thought of those assholes coming back was one she didn’t want to linger on.
“It shouldn’t scar.” Crane’s eyes narrowed on her cut, and she blinked his face into focus. “Thankfully, it looked worse than it is.” Though his voice remained light, she didn’t miss the anger underlying his words or simmering in the well of his gaze like embers sparking on coal.
At the mention of a scar, she stared at the one across his chin. Stubble covered his face, but it didn’t grow where the scar marked his skin. Her fingers ached to trace the diagonal line.
Wondering why she’d never asked him about it, she murmured, “How’d you get this?” while she gave in to the urge to touch him, lifting her fingertip to outline the pale slash.
“I could lie and tell you it’s from a bar fight . . .” A slow smile creased his cheeks, and herheart responded with a somersault. “But the truth is, my little sister gave it to me.”
Rogue snorted out a laugh, but a hollowness echoed in her chest. She wondered what it would’ve been like to grow up with siblings in a household with two parents who loved you. After her dad had left them, her mom retreated into herself.
Shadows of the past flitted across her features. She had always thought her mother liked the distance because no matter what she did, Rogue still reminded her mom of the man who’d crushed her heart. With a sigh, she acknowledged the fact she and her mother were very different people. Now, they saw each other for obligatory holiday dinners, but that was it.
Pushing the longing away, she teased him, “Lose a fight?”
