Page 92 of Nave
“Aside from you,” I said, putting a hand to my stomach.
I knew his or her conception stemmed from the worst period of my life. But leaving that situation was what led me to the best.
I had no doubt that my baby was going to light me up. It was going to, quite literally, be the reason I got out of bed in the morning. And judging by how the women of the club discussed their kids, I would also ramble on endlessly about them and our future.
That said, I wanted to find something I loved and found fulfilling that I could use to make a career out of.
None of the hobbies I’d tried out since coming to Navesink Bank seemed like they were going to be passions of mine. Especially not art (even my stick figures were a total mess) or knitting (I had to undo and redo the one project I’d worked on no fewer than eight times).
I was making a little progress on a sweet little baby announcement piece. But it took forever, and if I wanted to actually make a living doing it, I’d have to charge like five hundred bucks a piece.
So, yeah, that was definitely not going to be my new career.
I knew the girls and Nave claimed that I didn’t have to pay, that it was no big deal. But I didn’t want to be reliant on other people, no matter how much I loved him.
My belly tightened at that word.
Love.
Some part of me wanted to fight it, object to it, say it wasn’t possible, that it was too soon.
But I knew my heart.
And I knew these people.
Kit and Ariah and their stories of the road, their love of the land, their self-sufficiency, their adoration of their animals and their people, their kind and generous souls.
I loved them.
And if it was okay to claim that kind of platonic love so quickly, there was no reason I couldn’t admit the truth about Nave.
That I loved him.
That he had quickly gone from my savior to a friend, a partner, a lover, someone I could see a future with. Someone who was clearly envisioning the same with me.
Was the traumatized part of me still waiting for the other shoe to drop, over-analyzing things, questioning things? Sure. Again, I was not only looking out for myself anymore.
But I wasn’t going to let the fears rooted in my past prevent me from growing in the present and blooming in the future.
“Right?” I asked Edith, who’d walked up to me, looking all cute with her head tilt. “Oh, don’t you try to charm me, missy. You’re not getting another one until tomorrow.”
To that, I got a sniff. It was Edith’s way of saying she was incredibly disappointed in me.
“How about we take a little walk?” I suggested. The sun was just about set, but I knew the homestead well enough to walk it blindfolded at this point.
Edith turned herself in two quick circles and made a mad dash toward the door.
In general, we didn’t take as many traditional walks anymore. She got so much exercise from running around after the big dogs that she really didn’t need it. She was usually out cold on her bed right after dinner, resting up for the next day’s adventure.
But I was as restless as she was for some reason. I was never going to get to sleep if I didn’t burn off some of the energy dancing around my system.
“I know, you’re a good girl,” I told her as she watched me reach for her leash. “It’s not about you wandering off. It’s that you’re just a little lady, and there are predators out at night.”
The girls were always worried about the coyotes they heard howling off in the distance. Even though the farm animals were locked up at night.
“No one is getting their hands on my girl,” I told her as we moved down the steps and through our little gated yard.
The lights were off at Kit’s house. She’d been busting her ass trying to plant a winter cover crop to replenish the soil, and she’d given herself a little heat headache. I wasn’t surprised she’d gone to bed early.
