Page 14 of Her Supermodel Stalker
It never occurred to me Jimmy wanted a daddy. The boy seldom even asks about it, except the few times when he first learned to speak.
“Where is my daddy?” he asked me once when he was about three.
“He’s far away, baby,” I said to him.
I make sure he doesn’t feel the need to have a father, so I avoid taking him to places and activities where dads are required. It’s probably unfair, but what else can I do?
The truth is I don’t really know how to tell him his own daddy doesn’t want him.
Jackson left me a month before Jimmy was born, saying he couldn’t see himself being a father. Besides, his dream is in Hollywood.
Jackson was my high school sweetheart. We started dating in our junior year and he convinced me he would marry me one day. He took my virginity in my senior year. I become pregnant upon graduation, and at the end of the summer, Jackson left for LA, saying he wasn’t ready. He didn’t even say goodbye, just texted me two brief sentences. “I’m sorry, Lexi, but I’m not ready to be a dad yet.”
My heart broke into pieces after that.
After Jimmy was born, I emailed Jackson photos of the baby, and the only reply I got from him was, “Please stop sending me these pictures. I’m not his dad.”
That email alone destroyed all my hope. After that, I never contacted him again. He’s as good as dead to me.
So, how am I supposed to tell my son the true story about his dad? That he’s unwanted by his own father?
In a way, I made a mistake letting Jackson convince me not to use protection. I regretted it so often, to the point of avoiding dating altogether. But despite all, I’m glad I made that mistake because I love the child so much. And for the same reason, I don’t hate Jackson as much as I’m supposed to.
I was accepted to Cal State Fresno upon my high school graduation, but I postponed it, needless to say. And now, five years later, my admission offer is already expired.
But still, in the corner of my heart, I have a faint hope that I’ll be able to get the education I deserve.
“You’re interested in getting a certificate in winemaking?” Ryan, the cellar master, comes in, startling me.
“Yeah, but I’m just looking,” I say, closing the window quickly. “I don’t really have the time.”
“You don’t need a college degree, a pretty girl like you. You need a man,” he says in a low voice.
“Stop it,” I say. Ryan is such a flirt. He isn’t tall but stocky and handsome. He hasn’t been hiding his interest in me, despite my polite refusals.
I’ve given him some thoughts but decided not to risk my heart with the ladies’ man.
I glance at the clock, already five. I stand up. Susie is already out of her cubicle and on her way out, her satchel in hand.
“Do you want to hang out with us? We’re going to the bar,” she says.
“Nah, I’m good,” I say.
“Come on, Lexi, you’re no fun. Just tell your mom to take care of your baby for an hour longer.”
I hesitate for a moment and agree. After all, these aren’t just my coworkers. They are friends. We look after each other at work.
The three of us exit the building together, and unexpectedly, we run into our boss the moment we’re out of the front door.
“Have a nice evening, Mr. Gamble,” Ryan says quickly.
I feel tongue-tied at the man that’s possessing my thoughts and can’t utter a word, except pasting a smile on my face.
Susie, however, can’t help her gregarious nature. “We’re heading toward the tavern. Want to join us for a beer?” she asks Devin with an eager expression.
I notice she was batting her eyelashes, too. Jeez. I wish I could remind her that she’s married with two kids.
“Beer?” Devin looks amused. “You work for the winery, and you spend your money on beer?”
