Page 20 of Consultation with Dad's Best Friend
I’m in the middle of a virtual therapy session with my clients, a married couple in their mid-forties. Mike referred the couple to me because they had second thoughts about the divorce after they started the process.
“Mr. and Mrs. Brown, I would like both of you to take a moment to go over these questions and then you’ll use them to start a conversation with each other,” I say as I open a document and share screen with them.
During the silence, I leave my desk and stretch by the window while gazing down at the traffic on Wilshire from the fifteenth floor.
As he had promised, Mike remodeled this condo soon after the summer I visited him, and it became our second home. A year later, he we got married. During the past five years, I finished my bachelor’s degree in psychology and got a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy. I’m now completing the required clinical hours before taking my licensing exam. I’m an associate therapist working for a company named Gale Family Counseling at LA.
I return to my computer to check on my clients. “Are you guys ready?”
“Yeah.”
“Who wants to start?”
After a moment’s silence, the wife, whose name is Clara, says, “I’ll go first. Do you still love me, George, and if so, in what way?”
George is a taciturn man, and I know it isn’t easy for him to answer this question in front of me. I remind him gently the purpose of the therapy sessions is to for them to communicate and he can ignore my presence. George clears his throat, stammers a bit, and finally gets to the point. “The answer is yes, Clara. You’re a good wife and a good mom.”
I want to roll my eyes. Why is it so hard to simply say the L-word? But again, it might be because of my presence.
“Now it’s your turn, George. Ask Clara a question from the list.”
Again he pauses. “Are you seeing someone else?”
“Jesus,” Clara bawls. “George, how many times do I have to repeat myself? No! There’s no one else. The reason I want a divorce is I think you don’t love me anymore, contrary to what you said, because you haven’t touched me for how long? A Year?”
George pauses for a long time. “What does it matter? We’re a family. I care about you.”
“You just don’t get it, do you?” Clara’s voice rises, and I have to stop her from getting too emotional.
“I’m sorry to interrupt,” I say. “Let’s just take a deep breath and calm down first, Clara. And then I want you to find a question on the list that is relevant to your concern.”
She lets out a few loud breaths, and then she says. “Okay. George. Are you seeing someone else, and if not, how do you satisfy your sexual needs?”
“Shit,” George curses. “Do I have to answer that?”
“Yes, George,” I say.
“Fine. I’m watching online porn.”
“I knew it,” Clara says. “It’s why you don’t find me desirable anymore. I’m not a porn star.”
“Jesus, Clara. It’s just a biological need. I do that precisely because I love you, and I want to keep our marriage together.”
“It doesn’t make any sense to me,” Clara says. “What the hell do you want to keep me for if you don’t want to fuck me anymore? You could just hire a housekeeper.”
She has a point, but her husband is reluctant to admit it. So I come in to help. “It seems like you guys mean two different things when you discuss love. George’s definition of love is more like mutual respect, while Clara’s is more physical intimacy. In a successful marriage, both are necessary. Now that we’ve identified the problem that threatens your marriage let’s try to solve it. The good news is porn addiction is treatable, and I would like to recommend George some support groups.”
“Sounds good,” Clara says.
“Wait a minute,” George protests. “I’m not a porn addict. I only watch it sometimes. And Clara, I do not prefer porn over you. It’s a substitute for real sex. I would rather do it with a real person. But honestly, honey, you were responsible for it too. We only did it when you were in the mood, and you didn’t spend any time on foreplay. All you did was grab my dick when we lay down in bed.”
“What the hell do you expect me to do?” Clara screeches. “Strip for you? I’m not a porn star like I said.”
Okay. There. It’s never just one party’s fault. I interrupt them again and offer my advice to Clara this time. “Clara, you don’t need to be a porn star to seduce your own husband. I’ll send you some links to Cosmopolitan articles where you’ll find helpful tips to improve your sex life.”
“Thanks,” Clara says after a moment’s pause.
After I complete the session, I take a deep breath and leave my desk. It’s only four in the afternoon, but I want to start making dinner. As I marinate the pork chops, my thoughts drift back to George and his porn habit. I hope he doesn’t have the addiction and he’ll reunite with his wife soon. An online article says porn addiction is the cause of half of the divorces in the nation. My heart hurts for the women whose husbands reject them because of some characters that aren’t even real. In fact, I often worry the same thing would happen to me. Although Mike doesn’t seem to have the habit, who is to say he won’t, one day? I’ve got to do something to prevent it. In the past year, I’ve been preoccupied with my master’s degree and doing my internship. I’ve neglected him. We still have regular sex, but we tend to be quick because I’m often tired by the time I get to bed. Mike hasn’t complained, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t mind.
