Page 72 of Tops
I’m starting to develop an aversion to buttons.
Tanner picked up on my energy, quickly stripping himself to his boxers before pushing me back against the door in an all-consuming wave of lust. My legs wrapped around his waist, and his hands moved to cup my ass while he pressed me into the door, allowing his hard erection to grind against me.
“I love taking your firsts,” he growled, his fingertips scratching across my skin while he pulled my bra strap to the side. His lips soothed away the scratches, and his tongue made me forget where we were.
I knew I would regret our conversation on the plane that consisted of background information on my past boyfriends and their interactions with my family. It wasn’t fun to tell him that I had no one inside my house in a romantic way. And I might have let it slip that I had always secretly wanted to have sex in my childhood bedroom.
“But you didn’t get my virginity,” I said with a smile, opening my eyes to get a good look at my room under the moonlight. It was just a basic guest room, but this would always be my room.
“No. But you can’t tell me that, in a way, I didn’t take that too,” he said, pulling back from me so I could see him in the dim light. He looked like a dark prince, devastatingly handsome, and I tried to imprint this image to my memories.
I would have to try and draw it sometime.
I pulled his lips back to mine, not wanting to admit to him that when I thought back to that night, it was always the look in Tanner’s eyes I remembered the moment I took the blindfold off. His lips were the ones on mine that night, just as they were now. Our kiss slowed after the reprieve; emotions that I fought to push down came out in the tender way my tongue brushed across his, daring us to dance slowly.
The firm pressure of the door vanished as Tanner turned to carry me toward the bed. Our lips never parted, even as he followed me down onto the comforter. He unlatched my bra on his way down, pulling it from between us to toss to the floor. Our tongues continued their slow dance as his hands moved to take off my underwear. The thin material ghosting across my skin made me shiver.
We had to break apart for him to sit up and remove his boxers, but his weight settled back on top of me as his lips found their way back to mine. Our pace was slow and intimate while we took the time to explore each other’s bodies as if we had all of eternity to travel these roads. Tonight, we could pretend that we were a young couple, deeply wrapped up in each other like young lovers would.
It almost felt real.
Soft moans and tender gasps filled my room as he slowly worked his way inside me. He took his time, moving in short, shallow strokes until stretching his way in.
“I love the way you feel gripping my cock,” Tanner groaned before he started to slide out.
He never allowed himself to pull all the way out, getting to the tip before using controlled thrusts to push back inside me. He kept at a maddeningly slow pace, building a fire inside me that felt too emotionally charged. I dug my nails into his back, urging him to move faster and break through this intense moment.
“Stop holding back, Nessa,” Tanner coaxed, his voice thick.
“You stop holding back,” I growled. The intensity of whatever it was building inside me felt blindly hot.
“Surrender to me, Nessa. Body and soul,” he whispered, brushing his lips across mine, making me taste his words on my tongue.
It felt like my soul left my body when the powerful orgasm crashed over me. My moans and pleas fell against Tanner’s lips while I let him consume me.
We laid curled up beside each other under the thick comforter, my mind still lost in post-coital bliss. I wandered through the events of the evening, asking if it would really be so bad for me to consider this a future.
My eyes closed with Tanner’s arm wrapped protectively around me, neither of us making a comment on the emotions that bounced around my room, along with the thick smell of sex. There wasn’t any point in considering this a future since all of this was nothing more than a pretty lie covering the ugly truth that was evident in every version of my life.
I wasn’t made to star in the lead role in these men’s lives.
I was useful, for now.
23
Night of Ho Ho Horror
Christmaswasonlytwoweeks away, but already the city buzzed with excitement. Commercials for expensive jewelry lit up billboards while lights were hung from just about everywhere. I hadn’t called or texted my mom to say Tanner and I had broken up, deciding not to return home for Christmas. Mom and I didn’t spend holidays together regularly in a typical year. There was no reason to suddenly start new traditions. Then it would leave Tanner available to escort me home should I need to return before the business with Fynn was settled.
Tanner had not decorated Bottoms for the holiday, and it wasn’t until I complained to Nik that I at least got a damn tree put up in the lounge. Nik somehow got his hands on a real live Christmas tree, hauling it in through the garage entrance like the season’s savior. The only thing that would have made it better would have been if he were shirtless and wearing a Christmas hat when he dragged it into the room.
Since it was the weekend, Colten and I were out shopping for decorations for the tree. Even Colten had a tree up in his apartment. It was a pre-lit plastic one without bulbs or ornaments, but at least it was a start. I was hoping during this trip, Colten would find some keepsakes of his own to take back for his tree. I walked through the expensive boutique shop, cringing whenever I looked at the price tags.
“If it makes you feel any better, these are all handmade by local artists,” Colten said, bending low to whisper in my ear after I put the fourth glass bulb down.
I could admit that made me feel a lot better. After that, I could take a deep breath and reminded myself that I was here with Tanner’s credit card, picking out ornaments for him to keep on his tree. That was all it took for me to loosen the reins and start putting things into my basket.
I giggled to myself as I put the fifty-dollar ornament of a half-naked merman in to remind him of Halloween. Beach, merman, same thing. That sparked more ideas of how to design the tree as I grabbed a doctor merman and a merman in a tie. I went to work looking around the shop for key pieces to my design. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw an intricate blue butterfly. It looked like the one Tanner had put on my table, but this one had a small silver band to hang it on the tree. Delicately, I put it in the basket along with my other finds.
