Page 63 of Tops
I didn’t need the detective outfit to deduce a meeting, and loft meant that we were headed for Tanner’s office. Blinding panic shot through me, and I considered digging my boots in place and refusing to go further. It seemed my body didn’t agree with my mind as I continued forward, through the entryway, and up the steps. Colten fell in line behind me, corralling me upwards.
When I got to Tanner’s office, my feet finally decided to plant themselves. I was stuck, feeling incapable of going any further. Colten fixed the situation with a sharp knock before opening the door and gesturing for me to enter.
Stepping into Tanner’s office had felt different each time I’d been here, but right now, I felt almost the same as I had the first time. I looked around to see if Mike was hiding somewhere in the shadows, ready to push me up against the wall. He wasn’t.
Tanner was sitting in his chair, but nothing could have prepared me for his costume. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, his body lightly oiled and shimmering. His dark hair was messy, and a pair of sunglasses in the middle matched the beachy aesthetic of his swim trunks.
Fuck, he looked good.
I made my way over to the chair I sat in every time I came to his office. I wanted to ensure I was sitting down before I did something stupid, like fall over from the power of his good looks. My whole brain was confused about everything that was or wasn’t between us. Now that this meeting was happening, I was forced to decide while looking at him like a damn human lollipop.
“I want to renegotiate the terms of our arrangement,” I said, pretending to be the one who summoned us. My eyes moved up to look at Tanner. The time to hide was over.
His calm mask was so firmly in place I couldn’t get a sense of his true feelings. I waited for someone else to speak up or ask me a question, but they left the mic in my hands while they patiently waited now that I started.
“I still need protection,” I said slowly, deciding it was a safe way to begin. Finding my way into trouble without them only took a few minutes. The past week I spent healing was a humbling reminder of my lack of abilities.
“We can arrange for you to be moved to a safe house outside of the city. I can check with Nik and see if he can get you out-of-class attendance as well,” Colten started, his tone flat. It felt like the way he treated me after I called him the suit, and nervous prickles started their way through my spine. If I didn’t speak up now, they would send me away.
“I still want to be protected by you if you haven’t decided I’m too much trouble. I want to go to class and earn my way,” I said, only deciding at that moment that was what I wanted.
“You would like to make changes to the sexual arrangement then,” Tanner said like he knew this would be my decision before I had stepped foot in his office.
“I want to remove being exclusive from the arrangement. I thought I was signing up for a casual sexual experience, but all these rules are just lines waiting to be crossed. Casual means I do who I want when I want, and I expect the same of all of you,” I said as my gaze fell to my lap. I kept returning to the idea that this whole thing was never supposed to be any kind of arrangement every time I circled my mind, looking for the piece that still bothered me.
I silently counted to five before I decided to put my head up and face the room. Tanner’s expression was unreadable. Colten was also busy watching Tanner’s face, awaiting a verdict he wasn’t privileged enough to weigh in on.
“Just casual sex,” Tanner finally said, as if the thought was foreign to him. Things got more complicated when your physical relationships added two more into the bed.
“The three of you can use me how you want, and I will use you as I see fit. Then it becomes an agreement of mutual using, and when the situation is no longer useful, it ends,” I explained. Mentally, I argued the insanity of giving him full reign to be with other women, particularly after feeling the heart-shattering pain of seeing him with two naked girls on his lap. But that part of me needed to wait until I talked about sex with someone I could have a future with.
Tanner’s gaze finally met with Colten’s. They appeared to silently work out their decision, coming to a decision before Tanner responded. “We agree to the terms.”
Somehow, relief washed through me like I had just received an approval letter for a new apartment. It was a strange way to feel about sex. At least I could rationalize in my mind that I felt like a single woman again. One that happened to have a few preferred maintenance men on speed dial.
Even though my speed dial was a secure network. I lived in a safe house, or else a hitman would unalive me faster than any of them could get me to orgasm. Finally, the weight of the past week seemed to be lifted from my chest.
No feelings except pleasure.
No rules, except those I gave to myself.
20
New Arrangements
Iwouldlovetolook back on my memories of that Halloween night and say that I capitalized on the moment after my bold declaration of mutual use. Instead, I sat in the hard office chair, silently waiting for one of them to decide to use me. Or take me back to Bottoms for a scary movie.
They, however, seemed to be waiting for me to tell them what I wanted, which wasn’t how I wanted this to go down, either. Mutual using, not flipping me up to the top of the food chain for decision making. My eyes met with Tanner’s while I struggled to verbalize what I needed from him.
There was just too much noise in my head, pulling me in every direction, and all that went silent when they were with me. I needed more of that from them whenever they were willing to give it to me.
“I like your costume, Tanner. It matches the sunny disposition you are known for,” I said with a small smile. My bratty side appeared to take charge of the situation and force out the side of Tanner I needed.
I watched his eyebrow raise, hoping he could feel me spinning our magnet of attraction. But it didn’t seem to be enough to break him. My gaze swung to Colten next, and his head turned to watch me as I appraised his suit.
“And Colten, while I appreciate the treat of you in a suit, I got to ask. Where’s your costume?” I raised my eyebrow at him.
“Don’t worry, I have a costume on,” Colten half laughed like he was waiting for someone to ask him all night. He had said it was his favorite holiday. He started at the top of his shirt, opening the buttons to reveal the large S of Superman. I nodded in appreciation, finding the costume fitting.
