Page 46 of Tops
Colten seemed to contemplate my answer for a moment. “I guess some people latch on to the idea of virginity with youth and see the loss of it as a transformational time from child to adult. You clearly do not have that association.”
I thought about it for a moment, and it made sense. That and the weird arrangement we found ourselves in made it easier to remind me that all of this was temporary and none of them loved me. This was fun and a life experience while also being protected from a hitman.
“What’s the plan for today?” I asked, wanting to get away from that mental train.
“Mike will be here in the next thirty minutes to take you back to Bottoms. I have a lot of cases to prep for.” Colten looked apologetic, but I was still disappointed that we wouldn’t get to spend more time together. I had no idea what to do when I returned to my room.
Even when Mike knocked, I didn’t bother to change or even look for my missing clothes. Colten retrieved my coat from the closet and collected my phone, purse, and shoes. With my coat fully buttoned, it didn’t look like I was mostly naked underneath. No one would know.
I looked over to Colten, unsure what the protocol was. He looked momentarily torn before he stepped forward and pinned me to the wall by the door while his kiss touched my soul. His hands were on either side of my face while he clung to me as if desperate not to let go.
“Next time you come over,” he whispered, “wear that same outfit, and I will fuck you against this wall before you take another step inside. Today I am giving you a break because you said you were sore. I will be thinking about that all day while I try to work. Just thought you might want to know.” He stepped from me, and my head felt slightly dizzy. I guess that was one way to say goodbye.
I left with Mike, who took me straight back to the garage in Bottoms. The raindrops barely moved today, as they hung frozen in place on the windows with nothing acting on them to make a change. They were stuck without the momentum they needed to overcome their challenge.
My mind couldn’t stop thinking about rain and all its different forms. It consumed my mind after Mike left me inside the maze of Bottoms’ hallways. I knew the path to my bedroom well enough, and at least my clothes weren’t damp, as I had gone from one parking garage to the next.
The door to my room flashed green under my touch as the handle gave, and it opened. My room was neat and tidy, exactly as it was left. I grabbed my phone out of my purse, heading to my bedside table to plug it in. I noticed a piece of paper folded in thirds, and a preserved butterfly lain on top.
My fingers delicately picked up the insect, not wanting to break its fragile wings. I didn’t know how this butterfly died, and I hoped it wasn’t intentional so that someone like me could be holding it one day. But I also couldn’t help but marvel at all the delicate intricacies of the patterns. Carefully, I set it to the side before grabbing the letter and unfolding it.
The handwriting was sloppy, like the person had written it on their knee rather than against a table. I knew Tanner was busy, but he didn’t have to worry about delivering me a letter.
I hope you enjoyed the outfit I picked out for you. It was hard to stand back, knowing I could only watch.
The next time I saw him, we needed to chat about why he wouldn’t even let me finish him last night. There was no way I would have managed sex, so I was grateful for the reprieve, but I would have been more than happy to explore him further.
Before plugging in my phone, I put the letter and butterfly into the drawer with my dad’s picture. It was entirely dead, but no one would be trying to get ahold of me, anyway. After a quick change into something far more comfortable, I pinned my hair to the top of my head and got my laptop. I was going to finish the last of my classwork before I did anything else. Or anyone else.
I finally felt accomplished as I hit submit for the last assignment in my last class. Now the only thing I needed to focus on was my time with Nik in the field. I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that at least this wasn’t the worst time for a sexual tryst.
My phone was fully charged, but there were no messages other than the group chat on the secure network. I saw over thirty messages in that chat. However, I still didn’t understand what all the rooms were for, and I didn’t have the energy to get lost in someone else’s conversation. What I needed was some food.
I left my phone in my room as I hurried to the kitchen and made myself a quick sandwich. Not bothering with getting a plate because I felt starved, I ate the entire thing standing in front of the fridge. Eating regular meals here was beginning to be a challenge.
After my stomach had stopped rumbling and I had nothing better to do, I decided to revisit the rooftop garden. The elevator somehow felt even smaller without Tanner in it with me. When the panel slid to the side after the soft ding, I walked out into the warm, humid air. The smell of fresh living plants and dirt filled my lungs as I breathed in deeply. The soft bubbling of the fountains sounded against the dull thud of the raindrops on the windows. This was more of a steady, constant rain.
“I thought you might come up here sometime.”
As Tanner’s voice washed over me, my heart went from steady and constant like the rain to a heavy downpour. I refused to turn around, wanting to keep some of my mind intact before he scrambled it.
“What, you didn’t look up where I was on my tracker?” I said with a snip to my tone but a smile on my face. I didn’t want us to lose this banter at whatever stage we were at in our arrangement. Tanner hadn’t fucked me last night, but he had taken my virginity in every other way.
“Are you thinking about running away?” he asked, his tone cautious, like he worried they had somehow managed to scare me off.
“No,” I laughed as I turned around.
The sight of Tanner instantly made my mouth run dry as a wave of absolute desire flooded me. He was wearing jeans. He was still wearing a button-up shirt, but this one was blue and matched the color of his eyes. I forgot why I was laughing.
“Do you want me to leave?” he asked, his eyebrow arching. It was the one that had the scar running through it. My mind played back the sound of his voice last night; he offered me the option of just answering when the response was no.
“No,” I said, knowing my cheeks were blushing despite my attempt to keep everything calm and relaxed.
“You have questions still,” he said, sitting on one of the wooden benches.
I decided to sit down next to him. “I’m pretty sure I will always have questions, but if you feel like you’re in an answering mood, I have a few in mind.”
Tanner smiled as he leaned back against the bench, crossing his ankle over his knee. I would love to think I was able to resist looking directly at his crotch, but I was not. I now knew what monster lay beneath those depths.
