Page 44 of Hidden Sacrifice
“So, you were a late bloomer and spent the first decade of your life being abused to kickstart your power?”
“It’s not that simple. Demon ranking is entirely dependent on power. There has never been a demon without any power at all. Now I know my power was stunted because my soul is missing a whole chunk. But I’m trying to open up here and give you all of me like the fucking angel said, but I am not even a whole me.” My voice gradually got louder and louder, but the tone remained flat because of the damage to my throat. That only managed to make me spiral even more out of control.
I lunged at her, pushing her back against the balcony as my hand wrapped around her throat. She stood immobile as I pressed her backward, her back bending over the top of the balcony into the open space.
“When the telepathic powers rose, it happened once on accident. But after that, I couldn’t figure out how to do it again. So, my father came up with the idea of severing my vocal cords each night with a special dagger that slowed demon healing. It forced me to only communicate mentally. It took centuries before I mastered the ability to my father’s approval, but the damage inflicted became a scar on my celestial body.” I lifted my chin, exposing my throat to her and allowing the light from the chandelier to highlight the jagged scar under my tattoos.
I felt her slight gasp under my hand as my thumb caressed her pulse. Her heartbeat picked up its pace. My thumb pressed in harder as I felt the steady thrum acutely. Marveling at how closely it resembled the galloping pace of my own heart. I pulled her upright now that the show portion of this explanation was out of the way. We stood hip to hip, her face inches away from mine.
“I’m wrong, ok. And now we all know why. I’m a big celestial fuck up, and I should have stayed away from you as I intended. I can’t be what you need because I am broken.” I said it firmly, having said it repeatedly to myself as I practiced for this moment.
A smile stretched across her face, “Is that the whole prepared speech, or did you have more notes on self-loathing and making decisions for both of us prepared?”
“What?”my mind blurted as I struggled to understand what she was saying.
“You’re trying to do that thing again. You make decisions for us without actually hearing from the other person. You’re talking down about yourself again,”she said, firmly into my mind while staying entirely still under my hand.
“Mor, you were there today. You heard the angel as well as I did.”I was just the only one that could admit the hard truth that stared back at us.
“Yes, the angel explained why you and Jace are sharing physical experiences because he is the other half of your soul. Jax, I am so sorry that you grew up with that shit excuse of a father. I cannot express how much I want to kill him for you right now, but I need you to stop thinking that there is something wrong with you. Jax, I love you just the way you are, and when the angel said I needed you all, he meant together with me. Accept Jace into the pack, accept him as your soul twin or whatever and step into this new chapter of your life with me.”Her tone was urgent, like she needed me to understand what she was saying, but honestly, there was only one part of that speech I cared about.
“You love me?”I whispered the question into her mind and watched her face contort in confusion.
I swear that question made her heart race even more than when she was dangling over the balcony. Excitement and adrenaline were getting her off. Fuck, she’s probably just like fucking Justice. She spent an awful lot of time with him. Mostly because I have been off with Jace teaching him this or that.
He’s my soul twin.
I faintly felt my hand release its hold on Mor as I took a few unsteady steps backward.
He is the missing piece to my soul.
“Jax, is everything ok?” Mor’s voice came swimming into my head. She was right in front of me. I looked around, confused to be sitting on the floor. Seeing her there reminded me that she had just said she loved me.
“You love me,” I muttered against her lips as I pulled her toward me.
She ended up awkwardly sitting on my lap, trying to keep her weight off me.
“Relax, Babe, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to stand it, but we need to build up my tolerance somehow.” I pulled her down again, her ass landing on my crotch with her legs out to the sides.
Her weight on top of me felt different than I had expected. She wasn’t heavy at all, and I was confident I could pick her up and move her off of me at ease any time I wanted. She didn’t make me feel trapped or pinned down. I pulled her into my chest to place my nose in her hair and breathe in her scent.
She stayed entirely still, making all of this so much easier. I let my mind wander to the full possibilities Jace offered. If he was the other missing part of my soul, being near him should make me closer to complete. Mor even had a bond with him, saying even the damn celestials wanted us to be near each other. My self-doubts centered on the memories the angel drug up, and Mor’s perspective overwrote the words he said before we left. I fucking hope she’s right about this.
I gave her a light kiss on the top of her head before releasing my hold on her. She sat up straight but didn’t move to get off my lap.
“You’re doing well,” she smiled.
A rush of possessiveness washed over me. I could do better. My fingers weaved into her hair, twisting to grasp it firmly. I watched her face, an expression of pure desire written all over her. I didn’t need Justice’s powers to figure that one out.
“You can touch my arms,” I muttered, not sure how far I would be able to push myself today, but hell if I wouldn’t try.
Her arms slid up the fabric of my shirt, moving from my elbow up my arm. It wasn’t a terrible feeling. Maybe I was just high on her perspective, or perhaps it was the possibility that someone out there held the key to all the parts I lacked, but I now felt like I could do anything.
“I want to kiss you,” she breathed.
Sharply, I pulled her towards me. Her fingertips dug into my bicep at the sudden movement, but I found I didn’t give a fuck. Our lips met, crashing against each other in a desperate attempt to find some sanity within each other. Somehow, her coming into my life had given me everything. Yet, I have brought nothing except cruelty, drama, and pain to her life. She deserved better than me, but I couldn’t give her up either.
I kissed her selfishly, thanking the celestial powers for the gift of a mate in my life. The kiss slowed naturally, our tongues communicating in between small nips. She pulled back smiling; somehow, my hand had released her hair and was now securely holding her ass.
