Page 95 of Laila Manning
Weak.
“I was thirteen when she started dating a man who was a particularly mean son of a bitch. We had bounced in and out of places, depending on who she was dating. She was always looking for a man to fix all of her problems, as if she needed one to feel worthy. But this one, was a breed of bastard I couldn’t compete with, I couldn’t protect myself from either. So I made myself scarce, avoiding him at all costs.”
“Getting into trouble on the streets, I’m sure.” Her cheeks flicked the tiniest bit of movement, as if she thought about smiling before moving on from the idea.
“Of course.” I smiled for her, “That’s what young boys do with no supervision, trying not to become a victim and trying to learn how to be a big dog.”
“Is that when you found the Shadeport Crew?” She asked, and I turned us so she was tucked between the back of the sofa and my body so I could kiss her. I didn’t, of course, she was still too raw. But I wanted to.
“Sort of. Back then it was another crew, led by a man who was ruthless and he used brutality to earn your obedience.” I sighed, “Ryker was coming up about that same time. Him, Gavin and I kind of fell into a pack, using our different skills to make a name for ourselves as a crew. And then it just grew from there until Gavin was king, and Ryker and I were at his side.”
“What skills did you each bring? What were your differences?”
I smiled slightly, remembering those years as a teenager running shit we had no business being involved in, with Gavin and Ryker at my side.
“Gavin was the thinker, God that man could craft a plan and execute it to perfection, every single time. It was like watching a movie unfold as his plans went into motion. And Ryker, he was always known for his dominance. People wouldn’t risk going against him, simply because he never gave them the notion that they’d win if they tried.”
“And you?” She asked.
“Me?” I nudged my nose against hers as she snuggled in against my body more. “I was the boogeyman. I earned my place in blood. If someone tried to fuck with Gavin’s plans, and Ryker’s reputation didn’t convince them otherwise, they sent me in.”
“To hurt them.” She whispered.
“To obliterate them.” I corrected her, “To make an example out of them. For every one example, four more could be avoided before the shock factor would wear off and I’d have to remind everyone.”
“Jesus.” She swallowed, “That’s a lot of bloodshed on your hands.”
“It is.” I agreed, “But it’s shaped me into the man I am today, and I can’t take that back or change it now.”
“Would you? If you could? Would you change the way people thought about you when they saw you walk into a room?”
Firmly, I answered, “No.”
“Why?”
“Because the mere mention of my name will keep you safe.” I reasoned and her eyes widened. “The mere mention of my name will make even the most ruthless pieces of shits turn and walk the other way someday, and if it keeps you safe, than it’s worth everything else.”
She scooted up on the couch, “It already has. The title of being your girl has turned men around when I thought they’d hassle me or try something. But I never looked at it that way.”
“I couldn’t protect my mother from men like that. She openly chose them over me, time and time again, desperately searching for love and acceptance, and they beat the shit out of her and me for it. They used her, and abused her, got her hooked on drugs and broke her because she was a nobody, with no one to watch over her. But that will never happen to you, not for as long as I live.”
“Where is your mom now?” she asked sincerely.
“I don’t know anymore. I ran into her a few times over the years, but not in the last ten or so.”
“Would you help her if you did now? Would you give her the love she so desperately searches for, but in a different way? The result would still be the same Zeke, she’d finally feel like she was worth it. Could you put it all behind you?”
I paused, unable to answer her truthfully. “I don’t know.”
“That’s fair.” Her warm brown eyes found mine as she leaned into my face, gently rubbing her nose against mine like I had hers, but it was her decision. “I don’t think I’ll ever put my pain behind me. But I want to try.”
“Tell me how, and I’ll help you anyway I can.” I stated confidently, firm and with a strength she didn’t have.
“I want to find a way not to be reminded of it. I just want to walk forward, down a different path that doesn’t take me back there in any way, and never look back.”
“Is that why my decision to come to you about the Senator triggered you so much?”
“Yes.” She admitted, “But that’s not your fault, because you had good intentions. At the time I just couldn’t see them.”
