Page 41 of Laila Manning
“You tried to scare him off.” Elora guessed and laughed when I looked at her, surprised that she knew my sarcastic answer. She rolled her eyes and waved me off. “I’ve done my fair share of trying to run from Ryker in the past. Ask Carly,” She nudged her best friend. “One time I hid at Carly’s, high off my ass, and he knocked her door down, carrying me out over his shoulder like a caveman.” She giggled. “It was the hottest thing in the world.”
“It was annoying as hell. And you blew chunks in the front flowerbed of my building.” Carly challenged with a raised eyebrow before looking back at me. “What did you do to scare him off?”
I picked at a stray thread on my jeans, feeling the familiar waves of anxiety building from the embarrassing first moments between Zeke and me. “Ripped myself open to bleed at his feet so he’d know exactly how fucked up I am.”
Neither one had a quick, snappy remark to make like they were known for, and I think that was harder to swallow than what I actually said. Carly reached across the space and took my hand in hers, making my nose burn as tears tried to form in my eyes from her niceties. “It didn’t work, did it?”
I smiled sadly and squeezed her hand, “He’s headstrong.”
“Just like you.” She whispered proudly and leaned back in her seat. “If there is anyone out there strong enough to endure and carry the weight of your trauma on his shoulders for you, it’s Zeke.”
“I know.” I admitted, no longer interested in fighting the connection that seemed to be building between us. “I tell him the worst parts of me, and he just stands taller under the weight of it.” I scoffed dramatically. “It’s annoying, really.”
They chuckled and waited for me to continue at my own speed.
“He kissed me.” I finally added. “Well, actually, that’s not true.” I smirked, remembering that night in the hallway after leaving him with the first journal entry. “He made me beg him to kiss me before he would.”
“That sounds about right.” Elora replied. “Leave it to Zeke to make sure you’re one hundred percent on board.”
“Was that your first genuine kiss?” Carly asked seriously, no doubt remembering my freak out when I admitted to her I’d never had consensual sex before.
“Yes.” I nodded. “And it was one for the history books.”
“So, are you two together?” Elora asked, cutting straight to the point.
I shrugged again, unsure. “I doubt he’d react well if I kissed someone else.”
“That’s probably pretty fucking accurate.” Carly joked and then nodded behind me. “Here comes Jed.”
The hair on the back of my neck stood up as I heard his footsteps near behind me on the sidewalk and then up the steps to the porch.
“Hey.” He said when I turned to look up at him towering over me. He had two boxes of doughnuts in his hands and a face full of bruises.
“Hi.” I sighed, taking in the cuts and swelling on the exposed parts of his face and arms. “Do you have a minute?”
“Of course.” He handed Carly the boxes and nodded at the front door. “Are you okay with going inside?”
I glanced at the ominous door but nodded before I could talk myself out of it. “Yeah.” I needed to talk to him without Carly and Elora’s penetrating gazes for a few minutes at least.
He walked inside, leaving the door open behind him as he took his leather jacket off and hung it on a hook in the hallway, cautiouslywatching me as I hesitated briefly at the doorway. But I forced my feet forward and shut the heavy oak door behind me as he moved to the kitchen.
“Can I get you some coffee or something?” he offered, pulling the pot out to pour himself a cup.
“I’m okay.” I declined. “I’m already an anxious mess without caffeine helping.” I tried to joke, but he grimaced as he poured sugar into his cup. “I’m sorry—”
“I’m sorry.” He said at the same time, and we both paused in uncertainty before he went first. “I shouldn’t have bombarded you at the door last night. That wasn’t fair to you.”
“I’m sorry you’re in this position.” I stated plainly. “Honestly. I never intended for you to be so torn—”
He held his hand up and shook his head, “Stop.” He sighed and walked around the island, pulling a chair out for me and taking the other one so we were looking at each other. “I’ve been wrong this entire time.” He started and took a deep breath. “I guess it took Zeke physically beating some sense into me before I realized that my overbearing desire to keep you safe was ruining your chances of living your life how you see fit.”
I put my hand on his and fought emotions for the second time this morning as he softened himself for me. Jed was always protective and dominant, and I was sure only Carly and I ever saw the softer, caring side of him.
“I don’t want to choose between you and him. Or you and anyone else in the future, either.” I stated. “Because I’ll choose you. And it will only hurt our relationship to do that.”
He dropped his head. “I don’t want you to choose.” He lifted his head. “I just want what’s right for you. You deserve to have everythingthat you’ve been robbed of for so long. I want you to have the future that you’ve dreamed of.”
“I don’t even know what I want, Jed.” I smiled reassuringly. “I’m figuring it out as I go, and I’m trying to heal the past as I plan for the future.”
