Page 22 of Laila Manning
She watched as she gave me something she gave to no one else.
“Thank you.” I said to the door, knowing she’d hear me. When she didn’t respond or open her door, I went into my apartment and put the folded piece of paper in my nightstand drawer to read again sometime.
As I showered off the day and let the hot water relax my tired muscles, I replayed her words in my head, over and over again.
I just want to be happy.
Did she not understand how much we all wanted that for her, too? How willing we all were to help her get that.
She deserved so much more than just happiness out of life.
And I was going to make sure she got it.
Chapter 7 – Laila
Can you die from fear?
An internet search I never thought I’d have to make in my life, yet there I was, pacing my floor back and forth, thumbs roving over my phone screen and typing that stupid question to the internet gods.
Zeke read my journal entry.
And not only did he read it, but he stood in the hallway and let me watch him read it.
Did he know I was watching?
Holy Hell, I thought I was going to die from the overwhelming amount of fear and anxiety running through my body.
I locked my phone screen and tossed it down on my bed as I kept pacing. That had been at one am, and hours later, I was still panicking over it.
He told me both in the kitchen and on the sidewalk that he wanted to be my friend, and that he’d wait for me to be ready to communicateand share with him who I was. But I wasn’t some normal girl who could just be friends with someone. Especially not a sexually arousing man like Zeke Evans.
I couldn’t even talk to him without my blood pressure rising to a stupid level.
So, I thought about it repeatedly for days after the night I watched Gavin and finally came up with a decision.
I’d share the only way I knew how, and that was through my journaling.
I picked a very surface level one out of the deep and dark secret sharing entries in my leather-bound journal my therapist insisted I write in months ago.
And holy fucking shit, it had been the most nerve-wracking thing in the world.
But I did it.
It felt like I’d ripped the band-aid off and shared a part of myself with him I wouldn’t have done any other way.
But now, I was going crazy trying to figure out what he thought about me after reading my poor, sappy entry about missing sunsets.
Did he think I was nuts?
Well,I was, so that was fine.
But did he change his mind about wanting to be my friend?
“Jesus, Laila.” I snapped in aggravation. “The man woke you up out of what he clearly knew was a sex dream. About him!” I argued with myself. “If that didn’t send him running for the hills, your bullshit story about sunsets isn’t enough to register.”
I sighed and threw myself down on my bed, frustrated with myself and the entire situation. “This is why I stay in my apartment and don’t interact with anyone.” I complained once again to myself.
“This is why I stay in my apartment all the time.” I complained as Carly walked ahead of me into the store.
