Page 23 of João
“We’re not in Sunday school anymore. It’s a munch. If this is too much, I really, really understand, but this is the lifestyle. There’s a little bit of everything. Are you sure you’re ready for that?” Vincent focused on me, his expression softening as I pondered what to do.
“I don’t know, I just—” I flapped my hand, hitting something hard and warm. “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry, I?—”
“It’s okay, madam, no harm, no foul. I shouldn’t have been walking so close to you.” The deep honey voice was the first thing I noticed, and then a tall, lanky man with a brown mane of locs and skin to match his voice smiled at me.
“Oh, how may I address you?” I asked him without thought.
“Sir Spiritual.”
Sir Spiritual’sconversational skills were fantastic. After introductions, we settled in a booth to chat and Vincent left me to my own devices. With sips of my lemonade and his sparkling water, I inquired about his name, which was readily explained. It was after his calling as a child of God but also in regard to how he approached his kink. We spoke of memories of Sunday school, waking up to attend church after-parties, and much more. Conversation flowed as it would between two long-lost friends.
From time to time, he’d lean forward or focus on my lips as I took a sip of my watered-down lemonade, making my cheekswarm. But my shoulders stayed tense, fingers curled lightly in my lap. With João, I never had to think about what to do with my hands.When Sir Spiritual invited me to go to the bar and told me to walk in front of him, I didn’t feel compelled to fully follow his suggestion, instead falling into an easy walk next to him until we got to the bar. The old man behind the bar scoffed at Sir Spiritual with that type of charm you know comes from a long friendship, and soon, we both had refills in front of us.
“So, how do you reconcile your belief and kink?” I asked.
“That is a very good question and one that took me a long time to…”
My attention slipped from the gorgeous man in front of me, his light brown skin and brown locs all merging as my eyes blurred and my skin tingled in attention. A wave of pure energy traveled through me. My heartbeat skidded to a halt before my gaze connected with him.
There, standing a few feet away from Sir Spiritual, João appeared as if I had conjured him with my comparisons and my uncertainty. As if my heart had called him until he showed his face. Black everything was his style tonight. Black shirt, black jeans, black Js, and that commanding, raw presence that demanded full attention from me.
“Gisele,” João said, my name sounding like castigation and supplication, all in two syllables. Before realizing it, my feet were moving toward him until Sir Spiritual’s warm palm settled on the middle of my back. João’s nostrils flared, then his face settled into an impassive mask. The vein in his neck, though, told me all I needed to understand. Ignoring Sir Spiritual’s touch without looking back, I kept approaching João, eyes down, hoping he couldn’t hear my labored breath and my panicked heartbeats.
“Gissy, you know Master Q?” Sir Spiritual asked.
“Yes, I…yes, I do,” I said, my eyes still downcast even though João and I had never negotiated for him to dominate me.
But God, if he asks today, I’ll fold and never look back.
“Yes, she does, and I had no idea she’d be here today. Gisele, let’s chat.” That soft, raspy voice slid into my subconscious; the softness was a ploy. I knew it and still fell for it.
“Okay. Sorry, Sir Spiritual, it was such a pleasure meeting you.” I turned around. Sir S deserved a polite goodbye no matter what was going on between João and me. Sir Spiritual’s gaze sharpened, followed by a chuckle.
“Q…pax,” Sir said, and a quiet anger simmered inside me. Not because he was backing down but because João had no right.
João had made his stance clear.
João’s palm grazed my fingers, a discreet reminder that he was two seconds from losing his shit. But he wouldn’t show it, and I wouldn’t make him. I followed stiffly behind him through the maze of people until we approached the back of the bar, where a hallway led to an office. João opened the door and stepped aside to let me in. Without hesitation, I entered, my heart jumping when the door clicked shut.
“Gisele…imagine my shock when I walk into a munch my friends organized and I find you chatting with one of my best friends.”
Oh, my Lord. Why would You forsake me? His best friend?
“I had no idea. However, I’m free to do what I like with my time. You and I are just getting to know each other.” Best to display my defense early and forcefully, even if my voice quaked at the end of the sentence.
“Getting to know each other? Interesting.” The vein in his neck was now competing against the calmness of his gaze. I knew better than to trust that calmness. Where was that man, Deacon? He seemed like a puppy next to João right now.
Heat emanated from him, penetrating my own skin and permeating the room. His cologne, subtle but alluring, had me ready to throw myself into his arms and rain kisses on his face until he forgave me. But forgive me for what? João wasn’t my man; he wasn’t my Dom.
“You and I might have been getting to know each other, but our intentions were very clear.Myintention was clear. I wanted—want you. Want you for more than just dates,” João said with power behind each word, no matter how softly he laid them at my feet.
“I… You know how different our goals are, João, please. Don’t you see? I…want to explore this side of my life I never dared, even if just for a season, even if it’s for a few months. I want this. And I…I feel selfish because I want you too, but I have a goal in life. I want a man that can walk the path of Christ with me. You don’t go to church. That is not your thing, and I would never ask you to do that, but I have to stay true to myself.” My chest hollowed as I described our truth, so bare between us that I felt naked afterward. Naked and cold.
“You didn’t give me a chance…” he whispered, barely audible, but the words hit me like daggers, making me stumble back. Swift and dangerous, João moved toward me, the hard planes of his body pushing me against the office wall until there was no space left for Jesus between us, his arms bracketed against each side of my face.
God help me, but my entire body woke up. My skin had never felt so tight, so real. Cold and hot shudders traveled through my arms and legs. Heat coalesced between my thighs and behind my rib cage. Air, precious air, deserted me.
“So you want to be dominated? Do you want me to dominate you? Or will anybody work?” João asked, his gaze studying every expression. His chest tickled my own, my nipples hardened under my padded bra and shirt, and I wished I had nothing onso that he could feel how he affected me. Could he see my chest erratically pumping at this proximity?
