Page 6 of João
What if I never saw him again?
What was I thinking? I was in no condition to remotely attempt to be cute right now. If that wasmyman, then the Lord would have put him in front of me in a way I didn’t miss any of the signs, and more importantly, that I was ready to receive His blessing.
My chest deflated. This grocery run was a failure.
I rushed to the cash register and paid for my stuff, embarrassed, sad, and lonely. Maybe Mom would…no. Mom wasn’t even going to attempt to understand. I’d had a faint hope, but her text was clear enough.
Back behind the steering wheel, I checked my phone right before pulling out of the parking lot to find another text.
Mom: And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Why couldn’t she just text me, her daughter, words? Not scripture. Words, her own thoughts, how she felt—actually tell me. Why did she have to take everyone else’s side but mine?
The knot in my throat dissolved in a watery meltdown. Tears streamed unstopped down my cheeks, my chest hollow, my stomach in knots. Huge sobs racked my body. I gulped air, every little molecule precious but not enough. Liquid streamed down my eyes and nose, and even though my decision was the right one, it wrecked me to the core.
A brisk knock jolted me in my seat, my chest tripping as my man, the one from the grocery store, the one with the penetrating gaze and the lush lips and the plush beard, patiently waited outside of my door.
My man?
Lord, please let this man not be one of those unhinged poor souls that harmed women. I truly didn’t want to die like that. Better yet, I didn’t want to kill anyone, even if in self-defense.
We stared at each other until his penetrating gaze urged me to crack my window open.
“Beleza, I don’t mean you any harm. But I couldn’t in good conscience get in my car and leave you here distraught like that. You sure you good?”
“I…” My eyes filled again, alarm coursing through me. No, no, no, I needed to keep it together, just enough to get home.
“Is there anyone you can call to come get you? You’re too upset to drive home,” he said politely, but a steel thread laced his words. He told me I was too upset to drive home. It wasn’t a question.
“I’m fine, but I appreciate your concern. I’m gonna leave now.”
“I don’t think that is the best idea. If you don’t have someone to call, I’m happy to wait with you until you feel better. I can sitin my car. I won’t mess with you. But it’s not a good idea to drive in your state. You can barely speak.”
My racking sobs and hiccups lent additional credibility to his veiled command. I shook my head; why did this man think he could come and tell me what to do? But he wasn’t wrong. I wasn’t okay.
“I…” My voice trembled. “Fine.”
I deflated. I had no reason to be concerned if he waited in his own car. I’d try to calm down and, in five minutes, be on my way home. I’d probably have to drive to a fake address just in case he followed me, but that would be the price to pay to ensure this man just went calmly on his way.
He nodded and went to his car right next to mine. He sat in his seat and made a show of turning on what sounded like an audiobook. Pulling out some Kleenex, I wiped my face, inhaling deeply to calm my sobs.
I turned on my CeCe Winans playlist and closed my eyes, tears still streaming down my face, but the flow had definitely calmed down. Reluctantly, I was glad for the intense man in his car ensuring I was okay. I hadn’t felt that type of care in a while. How sad that it came from a stranger.
Three songs later, I was able to speak without my voice breaking. Not wanting to drive out before him, I stepped out of my car and went to his passenger side. It was his turn to press his window down.
“I’m okay now, you can go. Thank you so much for caring,” I said.
Deep brown eyes searched my face. All he could see was watery eyes and a flushed nose. That was all I had to give right now.
“You look much better.” He nodded.
“I look a mess, but I’ll be fine. I always persevere. This won’t break me,” I said, a surge of faith filling each word withcertainty. The man’s nostrils widened and his eyes darkened, a thrill of delicious danger coursing through me. I didn’t know what happened, but suddenly I was very aware of his thick lips, and whatever his yummy cologne was circled my nose.
“Give me your phone,” he ordered.
“No.”
He chuckled. “Didn’t I prove I’m no harm to you?”
