Page 1 of Curvy Nanny for the Cougar
Prologue: Uncle Uzzi
From the Desk of Uncle Uzzi Stregovich
Magical Matchmaker Extraordinaire, Visionary, and Reluctant Technophile
You know, lieblings, there is nothing quite as satisfying as a five-star review.
Well, aside from the unmistakable, soul-humming click of true love, snapping into place like the final piece in a thousand-year-old puzzle box carved from starlight and questionable decisions.
I take a sip of my morning herbal elixir—delicately steeped with moonstone dust and a generous dash of cinnamon, just the way I like it.
My longtime housekeeper and full-time busybody, Richard, insisted I needed grounding after last night’s dream-walk session.
Apparently, shrieking about a kelpie wedding at three a.m. is disruptive to the household.
As the warm magic settles in my bones, I flick open my enchanted mirror pad.
Yes, I know most of you call them tablets.
How adorably mundane. But that is so like you young folk these days!
Mine glows faintly with runes and snark.
Custom charm. Don’t judge.
Ah! Now, it is time to check in on the lovers.
“Matched with my mate in 72 hours. He’s a Dragon Shifter. I’m allergic to smoke. 10/10, still would do again.”
—User: SmokeyAndTheBrute
“App glitched, matched me to a Witch I hexed in college. Turns out she’s still mad. We’re married now.”
—User: LoveInTheHexLane
* * *
Ah, timeless love. And age-old grudges. So spicy.
I lean back in my floating chair—thankfully upgraded from the ergonomic nightmare Horace insisted I needed last year—and tap one lavender-lacquered finger thoughtfully against my mug.
Things are moving. Fast.
We’re reaching more users than ever—Witches, Wolves, Vamps, and yes, even a few unsuspecting normals. My magic is humming with satisfaction.
And yet…
So many matches still remain out of reach.
So many humans—delightfully oblivious normals—who brush past their fated mates every day in the produce aisle or at cursed roundabouts, utterly unaware.
They’re bumping into destiny’s edges, bruising their hearts without ever knowing who or what is missing.
But what if…
What if I could give them a push?
A gentle magical enhancement.
