Page 10 of Curvy Nanny for the Cougar
Today I’m pitching Legalese For Not So Dummies—my supernatural-legal-hybrid app that helps Shifters, Witches, and other paranormals navigate both the human and magical justice systems without getting hexed or handcuffed.
It’s smart. Useful. My brainchild. The culmination of years of work.
And yet, five minutes after I set up my booth, I’m already distracted by an older man floating three inches off the floor in a white linen suit with a matching hat, and sparkling blue eyes, gliding toward me with a big grin like he owns the damn building.
Which, knowing this summit? He probably does.
“There you are,” the man crows. “I knew I’d find you, eventually.”
“Uh,” I blink, watching him hover in front of my table. “Do I know you?”
“Not yet! But you will. Uzzi Stregovich. Witch. Widow. Wanderer. And developer of the most powerful matchmaking app in the modern magical age—Date to Mate.”
He flourishes his hands, and I swear sparkles follow.
Literal blue sparkles.
I squint. “You built a dating app?”
He hums.
“Well, I crafted it. With moonlight code, stardust encryption, and a sprinkle of destiny. Also, with the help of some of the most brilliant tech minds in all accessible realms. The best of the best, truly.”
“Um, congrats?”
“Thank you, dear boy! You know, Date to Mate is designed to match fated mates—paranormals and humans alike.”
“Right,” I say, glancing down at my app’s modest little brochure with bullet points about landlord-tenant disputes and magical contract loopholes.
Not as sexy as the app this guy is peddling, but hey, it serves a purpose.
“Well, uh, the name’s Dane Alistair,” I mumble, “It’s, um, nice to meet you.”
“And what brings you here, dear boy? Looking for that old magical spark, are we?”
“No. Actually, I’m here to introduce my app, Legalese For Not So Dummies. It’s not nearly as sparkly, but it keeps people out of prison. Or worse.”
“Well, that is important work,” he nods solemnly, then smirks. “But tell me, Dane. You wouldn't happen to also be looking for something, or rather, someone to help with your, um, personal needs?”
“Oh, sorry, uh, I’m not interested in exploring a, um, relationship right now,” I tell him, feeling a little shocked by his inquiry.
And here I thought he was like someone’s grandpa or something.
“Good gods, man, I’m not asking you out. You should be so lucky. But rather, I was speaking about your need of a nanny. You wouldn’t be searching for one, would you?”
My spine stiffens. “How do you?—?”
“Please. I’m a Witch. Also, I eavesdropped. That firecracker of a child of yours? He deserves someone special. And so do you.”
“I’m not looking for a relationship. I just need help with Alex.”
“Ah,” Uzzi says, twirling a crystal ring. “But sometimes help comes in unexpected packages. Or in this case, a woman with a heart bigger than her thighs and enough sunshine in her smile to thaw even a stubborn Cougar like you.”
I open my mouth to argue, but the infuriating Witch lifts a finger in the universal hold that thought gesture.
“Come on, now. No hidden fees. Not asking for your firstborn or anything, I promise. I’ve already got the profile set up,” Uncle Uzzi says cheerfully. “Just one swipe. One match. No pressure.”
“What? Absolutely not,” I snap.
