Page 3 of Defy
Chapter Two
BELLA
Ilook down at the precious baby girl cradled in my arms and into blue eyes that mirror my sister's, and I feel an ache in my chest. A pain. A longing. Valentina Martinez was born a little over three weeks ago. She is beautiful with her pale skin, jet black hair and the bluest of eyes. I'll never forget the shock of finding out Alba was pregnant the first time, but once she had Gabe and I saw the way she was with him, it was clear my sister was meant to be a mother.
It's incredible how far we both have come in just a few short years. If someone had told me three years ago that we both would be married to bikers and my sister would have two kids, I would have said they were out of their ever-lovin' mind. Now though, I couldn't imagine my life any other way.
Sitting in the rocking chair in the nursery, I brush my finger gently over the top of Val's soft hair, and I watch as her eyes grow heavy. And it is not lost on me that it could have been my baby I was holding. Mine and Logan's baby would have been the same age as Valentina. Fate had other plans for us though. We lost our baby at twelve weeks. Logan and I decided to wait until after my first appointment to announce my pregnancy. We were chomping at the bit to tell our family, and we only had one more week to wait. Our announcement never happened. I miscarried four days shy of my second trimester.
One week later Alba and Gabriel were married, and she announced they were expecting baby number two. The news had been a blow to both Logan and me. We were over the moon happy for my sister and Gabriel but couldn’t help the feeling of hurt. To this day neither one of us has told our family about our loss. I told Logan I didn't want our devastation to overshadow my sister's time of celebration. Logan and I were each other's rock during this time. Some days having to put on a brave face is harder than others, but so far, we have been weathering the storm.
Reaching up, I swipe away a tear making its way down my cheek.
"Bella, what's wrong?" a concerned Alba asks walking into the room.
I wave my hand at her trying to brush off her question, "I'm fine. Just happy is all." It's not a total lie. I am happy, but I can tell by the look on my sister's face she is not buying it. Her next words prove I'm right. "Liar," she blatantly calls me out.
Sighing, I stand up and ignore her statement as I walk to the crib with my niece in my arms and carefully lay her down. Satisfied she's not going to rouse, I make my way out of Valentina's room with my little sister on my heels. When we make it to the living room, Alba speaks up once again. "Please tell me what's wrong, and don't tell me nothing, Bella. You haven't been yourself lately. Don't think I haven't noticed. You're my sister. I know you. I've been waiting for you to talk to me. I'm not waiting anymore. I want to know what's going on with you."
When I give her an irritated look, she adds, "Don't look at me like that. If this were the other way around, you'd force me to talk too."
She has a point there.
Sighing, I take a seat on the couch and Alba follows suit. "You know I'm happy for you… right?" I ask.
My sister scrunches her brows together, "Of course."
As I'm about to open my mouth, Alba grabs hold of my hand. "I know you're struggling with something, Bella."
And that's all it takes. My sister's words make me crumple into her arms and sob. I was stupid to think I could hide my feelings from her. She knows me, just as well as I know her. She understands me. Alba knows how happy I am for her and how in love with my nephew and niece I am, but on the inside my heart is aching. Though no one knows of our loss, they all know how long we have been trying to start a family of our own.
I don't know how long I go on with my sister holding me as I cry, but soon the tears stop and when I pull back and look at her, I see nothing but understanding. Using the sleeve of her shirt, Alba wipes the tears from my face. And when she dries my tears, I confess the secret I have been keeping from her. The one that has been eating me up inside. "I had a miscarriage."
Dropping her hands to her side and looking at me in shock, Alba asks, "What… when?"
"Just before you and Gabriel got married. Logan and I wanted to wait until the doctor confirmed everything. I was around twelve weeks." I confess.
Placing her hand over her mouth, I see my sister fighting back her tears. "I'm not even going to ask you why you never said anything. I already know. And I will tell you now, Bella. Don't ever keep something like that from me again," She says with love and anger all rolled into one.
I shake my head in protest, "You were getting married and then after the wedding you and Gabriel announced you were pregnant with Val. I couldn't bring myself to put a damper on your happiness. I couldn't do that to you, Alba."
Cutting me off, Alba stands up from the sofa, all but yelling, "I don't care what's going on in my life, Bella! Our whole lives it's always been you and me against the world. When I hurt, you hurt. When you're happy, I'm happy. We may be married now, but that is one thing that will never change between us."
She's right. We are married now and have our husbands, but nothing can ever take away the bond we share as sisters.
Standing up from the couch, I wrap my arms around Alba. "Promise me you will never keep a secret like that from me again," she whispers into my neck.
"Never again," I promise.
I'm in my car on the way to the hospital to have lunch with Emerson when my mind drifts back to the visit I just had with my sister. I feel a little bit lighter after finally coming clean with her about my miscarriage. I even told her about mine and Logan's struggle to conceive after the loss of our baby.
When we first decided to start trying for a baby, we were having fun. We would sneak off on lunch breaks, and Logan would take me to the lake and make love to me under the stars. Everything was perfect. Now our sex life has been taken over with fertility doctors, calendars, and ovulation tests. The spontaneity is gone. And even though I know Logan and my relationship is solid, our clinical sex life is a dark cloud looming over our heads. I feel it, and he feels it. The problem is, neither one of us is saying anything.
Alba suggested Logan and I talk about everything. She's right. This whole situation is going to drive a wedge between us if we continue to stay silent. We need to get back to us. That means no more doctors. No more sex schedules and worrying about when I'm ovulating. Logan and I have to make our marriage a priority. Somewhere along the way we lost a little bit of ourselves, and I am determined to get it back.
Pulling up to the hospital, I park and fire off a quick text to Emerson letting her know I'll meet her in the cafeteria. We have become quite close over the past couple of years. She works a lot of hours, so I make it a point to come as often as I can to have lunch with her. Eating in the hospital cafeteria is easier for her, so that's where I'm going now. When she is not working, she and I will catch a movie or go shopping. She has slowly been opening up to all the guys and even comes to the clubhouse on occasion. Though she still won't give Quinn the time of day. Walking into the cafeteria, I spot her from across the room when she lifts her hand giving me a wave.
"Hi," I greet her with a smile sitting across from her.
