Page 25 of Defy
Chapter Twelve
BELLA
It's hard to believe four months have gone by. Four entire months we have been a family of four. As I drink my coffee, I watch Breanna sitting in her stationary walker while she swings a plastic teether ring in the air. So far except for her being a little below average on the growth scale, her development is on schedule for her age. The doctors don’t seem to think she will have any lasting effects from being born with drugs in her system. I can't begin to express how relieved Logan and I both were to hear that little bit of news last week when she had a follow-up appointment with her developmental specialist. To top it off, we got the call yesterday we have been waiting for. In a couple of days, our daughter will legally be ours.
Just like most days since bringing Breanna home, I'm spending time with my sister. I've stopped working at the shop for now, so I can completely devote my time to being a stay-at-home mommy. The choice not to work was much harder than I thought it would be. I've worked hard since I was sixteen and enjoyed what I was doing at the shop. Spending my days watching our daughter grow and discover the world around her has been so worth it.
"How you are feeling?" I ask my sister as she sinks back into her chair holding my sleeping niece in her arms. I know she has been up late into the night trying to finish graphics for authors the past week. I'm proud of her. Alba has made a name for herself and has started to obtain quite a few clients since starting her cover design business.
"Like I need a vacation," she answers with a yawn.
"I don’t see how you do it. You have two little ones and still manage to do everything you do." I respond. I admire my sister. She is such a good mother.
"You look tired today, long night?"
"Bree slept all night. Has been for a couple of weeks now, but I do feel tired. To top it off I put on my favorite pair of jeans this morning and couldn't button the damn things. I'm getting fat." I tell her. To be honest, I can't fit into any of my jeans. I've been living in leggings for a month now. Taking Bree from the walker, I place her on my lap. Reaching behind me, I retrieve the diaper bag and grab a cloth to wipe a little dribble from Bree's mouth. When I'm through fussing over my baby girl happily playing in my lap, I look up. "What?" I inquire because Alba has a look on her face I can't decipher.
"Could you be pregnant?"
"What? No."
Standing she bends and places her sleeping daughter into the pack 'n play, "You say you're tired and you can't fit into your clothes. Have you felt nauseous at all?"
I think back, "No."
"Then how do you know. You could be. I know you’ve had irregular menstrual cycles since the miscarriage," Alba's eyes soften as soon as the word leaves her lips and I feel a physical squeeze on my heart, "But you can still get pregnant."
I haven’t given it much thought. She's right about my cycle being off since. The doctor said it was normal to experience cycle changes due to the stress of losing the baby, so I haven’t attributed it to any other reason.
"Are you and Logan still trying? Are you preventing it from happening?" she asks.
My body tingles all over. Could I be? Alba walks to her purse which is sitting on the kitchen table, then walks back towards me holding out a package I know all too well. A pregnancy test.
"Here. Only one way to know for sure, right?"
"Should I even ask why you have one of those in your purse?" I raise my eyebrow at her.
She shrugs her shoulders, "I'm content with the two we have for the moment, but the man is determined."
I can't do anything but shake my head and smile. I swap Bree for the test and walk to the bathroom. I take care of the deed and set the stick on the counter. A soft tap on the door reminds me to breathe again. Opening the door, I let my sister in.
"I laid Bree down with Valentina, she was starting to fall asleep. Gabe is sitting in his playpen playing with his toys,” she peers past my shoulder, "Well?" my sister inquires about the test sitting on the counter behind me.
"I'm afraid to look. What if I am? What if I miscarry again? What if I'm not?" I confess the mess of emotions stirring inside of me. I'm scared to let myself hope.
"You want me to look first?" Alba asks.
Holding back tears, I nod my head. She brushes past me and picks up the pregnancy stick and looks down at it. I do my best to judge her expression. She has none. My stomach sinks.
Exhaling she turns and faces me, "You're pregnant," she flips the stick so that the digital window is visible.
'Pregnant'
For a moment I can't form a coherent thought. Not until my sister touches my arm. I blink and look at her. Tears pool in my eyes and I blink them away. "Oh my god." I murmur and have to sit down on the edge of the tub to keep from falling. I'm pregnant. I'm going to have a baby.
She walks over and sits beside me. "Don't let yourself go there. You need to be positive about this. Let's go call the doctor and get you in to confirm everything."
I lean my head back and steady my breathing. Repeating over and over in my head, everything will be okay. Getting up, I walk back into the living room and retrieve my phone. The living room is silent. All three kids fast asleep.
