Page 41 of Fly to Fury
Such a thing was her worst nightmare, and just the thought made her want to set aside the ice cream and go back to infusing the wire with her magic. She had to do whatever it took to keep the squadron safe.
“I’m sorry for the losses he’s endured.” Fieran shook his head, glancing over his shoulder as if to stare after the other captain.
“You’d think he’d be thankful that Fieran took out the Mongavarians.” Stickyfingers held up his soda bottle as if in salute of Fieran.
“It galls him that he fought so hard for so long, only to have you come in, defeat the enemy, and take all the glory in such a short amount of time.” Capt. Fleetwood drained the last of his soda, then set the bottle aside. “But he will have to get over it. It isn’t like you’re going anywhere.”
“No.” For a moment, the grin left Fieran’s face. Then he seemed to shake off the morose moment. “Well, weshouldn’t let him dampen the party. The war will still be there tomorrow. Tonight, we should celebrate.”
This earned a cheer from the surrounding pilots. As if that was a cue, many of them leapt to their feet and mobbed the food table for their second helpings—and third and fourth and fifth helpings.
Pip turned back to her bowl, scooping up a spoonful of the rapidly melting ice cream.
For a moment, she and Mak ate their ice cream in silence. Then Mak set aside his empty bowl. When he spoke, he kept his tone low in a way that wouldn’t carry to anyone but her. “So what’s the deal with you and Fieran?”
Pip froze, a bite of ice cream sticking uncomfortably cold in her throat. She swallowed several times and stared down at the bowl in her hands rather than glance at her brother. One look at him, and he’d read her all too clearly. “What do you mean?”
“You like him. He likes you. But there’s this tension like you don’t dare act on those feelings. Why not?” Mak’s tone hardened. “Surely it isn’t because he’s a prince and thinks he’s above you.”
“No, it isn’t that at all.” Pip clamped her mouth on the rest of her words, hearing the way her volume was rising. She glanced around. Thankfully, no one was looking in their direction.
No, if their disparity of ranks was a problem for anyone, it was for her. But she wouldn’t admit those doubts to anyone, not even her brother.
With a deep breath to calm herself, she swiveled to better face Mak. “We both confessed that we like each other, but we agreed that we couldn’t pursue anything until the war is over.”
She couldn’t help it. She dropped her gaze from Mak’s at the last half of that sentence.
“Uh-huh.” Mak dragged out the syllables. “Did you agree?”
“Yes. No.” Pip fisted her hands in her lap, exhaling between her teeth. “Fieran said that he couldn’t be distracted like that or he’d risk doing something foolish. And he has a point. War isn’t the time for pursuing romance. And the military has strict rules about courting and stuff and it would be a bad idea to get involved in something like that at a time like this and…”
“Pip.” Mak’s tone drew her gaze again. He was looking at her, somehow both stern and gentle in that very big-brother way of his. “You might be the chief mechanic for his squadron, but you aren’t under Fieran’s command. There aren’t any military regulations against courting him. And, no, maybe it doesn’t seem like the right time for romance, but this is war. That should be reason enoughnotto wait. None of us know the amount of time we have with anyone, and we certainly shouldn’t waste it waiting for the perfect timing. It seems to me that the two of you will be distracted no matter what you do. Either you’ll be distracted by courting or distracted by not courting, as you are currently.”
Pip winced at that, fidgeting with her spoon. Mak had a rather good point. It was taking a lot of focus to pretend she and Fieran didn’t feel anything for each other. How was that any less distracting than if they actually acknowledged those feelings?
“Still, it…we…” She wasn’t even sure what she wanted to say. Her thoughts and feelings were a churn inside her, and she set aside the gloppy remains of her melted ice cream. Good as the ice cream was, she couldn’t manage to finish it.
“But the point isn’t whether I agree with him or not. Or even if you agree with his reasons or not.” Mak rested an arm on one of his knees. “The point is that Fieran made that decision for the two of you without asking for your thoughts and feelings on the matter.”
Oh. That was something she should have considered, back when Fieran had simply told her that he couldn’t. She hadn’t even protested.
“Right now, you aren’t in a relationship. He has the freedom to make a decision for himself, as you do to make a decision for yourself. You both have every right to say no to anything more, and you don’t need to consult each other because you don’t owe each other anything.” Mak held her gaze steadily. “But going forward if you do pursue something more, it would become a problem if he kept making decisions that way. You should tell him how you feel. Whether you agree with him or not.”
“But what if…what if telling him ruins everything?” Pip reached for the coil of wire again to give her fingers something to do. She risked a glance at Fieran. He was still surrounded by the pilots of the two squadrons, laughing and talking.
While she didn’t exactly like the current tension of their not-relationship, the friendship between them was still comfortable. She didn’t want to risk losing not just a future relationship but his current friendship.
Worse, what if a fight between the two of them ruined her friendships with all the flyboys? They were a tight-knit group. They had to be to face the dangers they did every day.
“If he isn’t willing to hear you out now, then he won’t take the time to listen to your opinions when things becomemore serious down the road.” Mak’s brown eyes remained gentle, filled with his brotherly concern. “But I’m not sure that’s what you’re really afraid of. Are you more afraid of losing a possible relationship with him…or that you will actually have to face the reality of one?”
And there it was. The truth she hadn’t wanted to face and hoped he wouldn’t notice. Fieran was aprince. The son of Prince Farrendel Laesornysh. Nephew of King Averett and Queen Paige of Escarland, King Weylind and Queen Rheva of Tarenhiel, and King Rharreth and Queen Melantha of Kostaria. Not to mention all his other famous relatives. Fieran might not see that as an obstacle, but she certainly did.
If she spoke up—if she pushed for a relationship—then she had to be ready for all that a serious relationship with Fieran would mean.
It had been relatively easy to ignore how famous and connected he was while they had been off at Dar Goranth, even with meeting his Kostarian uncle and aunt. There, Fieran had just been a first lieutenant. Even here at Fort Defense with his dacha on base, Fieran was still just a Flying Corps captain. Their ranks were equal.
But once they left the army base? Then he was a prince, and she went back to being a nobody who grew up on the very edge of Tarenhiel’s forests.
