Page 8 of Bound By Fate
No one had ever told me how much strength it took to hold someone at arm’s length. It was exhausting.
I didn’t answer. Instead, I dug into my food. At least if my mouth was busy, I didn’t have to talk. Right?
“Tell me how you’re doin’. Haven’t seen you in a while.”
Small talk. I could do this. It wouldn’t be too hard. Hopefully. “Workin’ nine ta five.”
“What a way to make a livin’,” he started singing, and I caught myself from laughing. Instead, I raised my brows at him, a smirk tipping my lip. The man was funny, that I had to give him. One of the qualities that drew me to him in the first place.
“Seriously, Katie. I wanna know you’re okay. You haven’t answered my calls or texts.” His expression turned too serious.
I didn’t want the heavy. I couldn’t. Not with him. So I went the other way. Sarcasm. “Awe, is your wiener having issues again? You should really get that looked at.”
He gave me a small smirk, but his eyes were dead demanding, not allowing me to talk my way out of this one. “I really want to know that you’re okay. Can we leave the smartass to the side?”
I felt myself slipping from the mask a bit. It took a moment to slide it back into place. It was becoming more natural. Which I didn’t know was a good thing or a bad thing.
“I’m all smart. You know that.”
His face blanked, expression turning deadly serious. “You’re not going to answer me, are you?”
“Told you I’m fine. Leave it.”
He shook his head, face turning to disappointment. “You did, but you’re lying.”
I gave him a small smile. “Nope.” I lied. The war paint was threatening to crack.
“What happened to you…” He started, and I abruptly stood.
“Stop. You want to be a martyr, find somewhere else to stick your flag. We will never be discussing that, and if you bring it up again, I’ll just stop speaking to you all together.”
I grabbed my and Remy’s plates and tossed them in the garbage on the way inside. I didn’t talk to anyone. Instead, I made my way to the bathroom, giving small smiles as I went, hoping not to give away the pain killing me inside.
After closing the door and locking it, I collapsed to the floor, my back against the doorjamb and head in my hands.
Every emotion welled inside of me threatened to burst out. That damn tornado was back, tugging and pulling at me to spin away with it. I could feel it through every cell in my body.
Keep your shit together, Katie.I whispered to myself, taking in some deep breaths.
In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.
I’d thought leaving my parents’ home would allow me to have a better life and it did for a couple of years. Now though … I felt as though I did when living in that place. Only this time I had the added benefit of scars and marks on my body to remind me of the horrors that lived out in real world.
My chest hurt so badly that it started to strangle the breath from me. Gulping in deep breaths didn’t help. Not that I would know, but it felt as though I was having a heart attack. Like barbed wire was making my heart bleed and squeeze in my chest.
Moving to hands and knees, I tried to get up, but the pain doubled. What in the world was happening to me?
Hands clutching my chest, I laid down and curled to my side, wishing the pain away. Lord only knew how long I laid there, but the tightness finally subsided, and a calm came over me. Only then was I able to get up off the floor.
It felt as though I ran a thousand-mile marathon.
After sucking in some much-needed breaths, I got up and clutched the basin, not wanting to look in the mirror, but unable to stop myself.
My makeup was still in place thanks to all the Bailey Sarian YouTube videos I'd watched. She taught me how to make the mask not go anywhere. Not a speck out of place and after what had just happened; I had to admit it was impressive.
It was my eyes that were the problem. They were void. A shell of what I knew they were once upon a time. After leaving home there was a spark in them, but now they were dead, not even a shimmer.
I absolutely hated the new me I’d become, but there was no way to fix it. I didn’t think there ever would be, and that was the scariest part of the whole thing. Being this shell wasn’t what I wanted for my life.
