Page 58 of Bound By Fate
Finding someone.
Starting a life.
God, it killed. Burned so painfully that something inside me cracked, and I couldn’t hold on to the emotions. I had to get out of here. If I didn’t, it was going to be bad. Panicked, I tried to move away from Ensley, but she was right in front of me. She’d let me go physically but was standing her ground.
“You can’t be that damn stupid,” she yelled in my face, getting so close I could smell the spearmint on her breath. “He’s in love with you, idiot. And you love him. So why the hell do you keep him at arm’s length?”
The coil inside me holding my perfectly put-on persona cracked. The spring broke. That was one comment too much. The scale began to topple over, scattering the emotions all over my body.
Anger boiled in my veins. Screw the hands being damp, I could feel the sweat now all over me like I was too hot in my own skin.
The tornado I’d been trying hard to stop from bringing me down had won.
I broke, and every feeling I’d had these past few months flew at my sister. It was my turn to get in my sister’s face, for probably the first time in my entire life.
It caught her a bit off guard, but she stayed solid.
Every thought I’d been holding inside of me needed to be expelled from my mind. I couldn’t take one more second of it. It had to be released, or I was going to explode.
“Why don’t you hate me?” I asked her flat out and a shocked look came over her face like that wasn’t what she expected to hear from me, but that was what this all boiled down to. She wanted to talk. Wanted to get the feelings out. Let’s talk.
“Hate you? What are you talking about?” she asked, taking a small step back and putting a little distance between us.
What am I talking about? Really?“You should hate me for calling you to come to the warehouse where Daniel had me kidnapped.”
My sister swallowed roughly. I never talked about my time there. Maybe that was my problem. Not talking to her. Letting it fester and grow into something I couldn’t manage anymore.
“Of course not. You…”
I cut her off since she was just going to repeat herself. I wanted this done, and I wanted to go home. She needed to get her say out, and I did too. “Yeah. I brought you to him. I called you. I put you in the position of being hurt. Me.” I pointed to my chest, emphasizing each of theIs, wanting her to feel this ball desperately seeking a way out. “I’mthe reason you have those marks on your body.I’mthe reason you’ve had trouble sleeping, andIheard your screams while I lived with you.”
Tears fell from my face as I kept on going, needing to get this out. It was like verbal vomit that just needed an escape. I didn’t know if they were sad, mad, frustrated, but probably a mix of all the above.
“I’m the reason you were almost taken away from Remy. From Micah. From this entire club. This family you created. Me! So, yes, I want to know why you don’t hate me.”
“Oh, Katie,” Ensley started, but I cut her off because I didn’t want to be belittled, and I could tell by her tone that she was heading toward letting me clean off the hook.
She couldn’t.
I needed her to hear me. Really listen to me and understand me. The rivers of salt flowed down my cheeks as my heart squeezed with every word. Every moment I shattered more and more.
“No ‘oh, Katie,’ Ensley. This is it.” I held my arms out wide. “I don’t get those things you keep shouting at me about. Not getting that happily ever after is my penance for getting you hurt.” I sucked in a breath. “For almost taking everything away from you with one stupid phone call. I never should’ve called you. No matter what he was doing to me. I never should’ve ever called you.” My head and body continued to shake as everything spewed out like word vomit.
My voice rose as the acidic thoughts were put into the world.
“They took turns with me, treating me like some toy out of a box. My screams of pain did nothing except get me slapped across the face or slashed with a knife.” I paused, reliving this moment.
“Even my tears ‘turned them on.’ Daniel said they wouldn’t stop unless I called you and got you there.” I swiped my hand over my face, no doubt completely ripping off my ‘war paint’ and being left bare.
“They kept coming. One then another then another. Five of them all together. By the time the fifth one had his turn, the first one was ready to go again—and he did. It continued, and every time one of their vile bodies were pressed up to mine. I wanted to burn my skin off. I can still smell the sweat and body odor when I have the nightmares!” My voice hiccuped as it got louder.
“One smelled like an old cigar that he had put out on my stomach. Yeah, that’s one of my scars. A perfect circle next to my belly button.
“I threw up, and they tipped me to the side to get rid of the puke. Daniel so graciously stuffed an old rag in my mouth so if I threw up again, I’d choke to death. And believe me, I wanted to die. Wished they’d just take the knife and slice my throat. But they didn’t. Death would’ve been too kind.”
I heaved in a huge breath and swiped my arm under my nose to get rid of the snot there. At that point I didn’t care what I looked like and kept right on going.
“I was selfish. I’m a horrible person and horrid sister. They kept taunting me that they’d stop if I called. I held out. I swear I did, but something inside me broke. I wanted them to stop, needed them to stop. I didn’t know what was worse—the knife that cut my skin or the club they used to hit me. It was too much. All I wanted was for them to stop, and there I went, throwing you right into the lion’s den so they could do the same thing to you that they were doing to me.”
