Page 2 of Bound By Consequences
I made my way to the dresser on soft feet. I grabbed the knobbed handles and pulled slowly. The wood creaked every time I opened it, so I tried to prepare for it, halting just before the noise. I studied the opening; could I manage? Unfortunately, it wasn’t opened far enough for my hand to reach in.
Please don’t wake up my sisters. Please don’t wake up my sisters.
There was no easy way to do this. If I went fast, the sound would be loud. If I went slow, the sound would be elongated. Each would catch attention. No win situation, but I needed a few things to get me through a least a day or so. I had hope my plan would work, but there were so many moving parts that at any time one could jump its course, and I’d be screwed.
Fast, Cyrus,my gut told me, and I listened. The only person I had to depend on right now was me. Right or wrong, I had to go with my instincts. I pulled the drawer open.
Sure enough, the sound echoed in the room. I turned quickly and scanned my sisters; four didn’t move, but I had to hold my breath at the fifth as she rolled over to her side, tucking her hands under her head.
Only when she settled did I let the air out of my lungs. It was close. So damn close. Too damn close. But I made it through one hurdle. Now only a million more to go.
Grabbing a few pairs of underwear, a couple of dresses, some granola bars I’d scrounged for and the small wad of cash I’d saved doing odd jobs and not telling my parents about them, I stuffed everything in the bag. While I had very little experience outside of the family, I knew I would need money. I didn’t have nearly enough, but what I had was mine, and I planned to stretch every penny as far as I could.
I left my pajamas on and threw a dress over the top of them, and then I snatched a pair of socks and put them on my feet. My tennis shoes were by the front door, and I would get them on the way out.
There was only one more thing that meant anything to me. We didn’t have possessions or little things we liked. Frankly, to treasure an item was simply forbidden. Nor did we have the money for any extras in life. It was why we all had to work all the time. But I had a small box in the bottom of the closet on the right hand side that I wanted to take. It didn’t have much, but it was mine. One of the sole things that was only mine here.
Having sisters, so many of them, we weren’t individuals. We were simply seen asthe girls. A collective unit, never as individuals. Being unique in any way was wrong. We shared everything. Even underwear, which I hated, but there was nothing I could do about it. Here, you lived the life you were told, and that was that.
No one fought it because the consequences were painful.
1… 2… 3… 4…I counted the steps in my head, making sure to step over the board that rose about a half an inch from the others. Every time I wasn’t thinking about it, I’d trip and fall. I hated that small gap. It was utter torment in the light of day. This was harder.
I had stubbed my little toe more times than I could count. Everyone knew that was the worst toe to hit. It always shot pain right through your foot and caused tears to spring to your eyes.
Right now, stubbing that toe would lead to the end of this entire plan, so I stepped over the lip.
Making my way to the closet, I turned to make sure no one had woken up. Luckily, the five did not move. Thank goodness for small miracles in heavy sleepers.
Part of me wondered if the noises in this house were all set there for the sole purpose to alert people if we moved. It was a scary thought, but it could also be very true.
This next hurdle was going to be the extra tricky part, though. Our closet door had this tick sound when you turned the knob. It only went once, thank goodness.
Before going to bed, I’d opened it just a bit so I wouldn’t have to turn the handle and, therefore, no noise. But right before going to sleep, my sister Sibyl shut it, saying she hated it when the door was opened. She always had been focused on the details, especially with chores. Her wanting the door shut was a trait ingrained in each of us when we were taught how to keep a house.
She put a kink in my plan, but so be it. Just another obstacle to cross over to get to freedom.
I’d come this far, and I was going the distance. Either I was getting caught or I was out. Those were the only two options.
Turning the knob, my stomach about dropped to my knees as the click went off. It was so loud that I knew someone would wake up from it. Sucking in my breaths as if it were to help the sound stop, I bit my lip in anticipation, wondering if I’d get caught.
There would be nothing I could say to my sisters to allow them to let me leave. Nothing to get them to not tell our parents. This plan would be done and over with before I even got downstairs.
Knowing my parents, if they caught me, I’d be put somewhere in shackles until they deemed me ready to come back to the family. More than what they would do to me, they would go through with their plan to take care of ‘my problem,’ as they called it, and I wouldn’t have a choice about it.
They’d hold me down and take my baby.
Leaving had never been an option, but this time, I wasn’t leaving for me.
I was leaving for my baby. I chose her. And I’d choose her over me any day of the week.
Margaret, my younger sister, turned and faced me head-on. My heart stopped. Body began to shake.This was it. She was awake, and I’d never get the chance to leave again.Except, her eyes stayed tightly closed. I paused, taking in her demeanor. Her breathing didn’t change, the pace even and deep. She was still asleep. She only turned.
Constance, my other younger sister, didn’t move along with Elizabeth and Daphne.
The air left my body in a whoosh as my older sister Sybil’s eyes met mine. They were narrowed and confused. She was studying me. The world at my feet started to crumble, sucking me in deep.
This was it. It was over. I wouldn’t get out of here, and my baby would be dead. No. Just no.
