Page 8 of aBound Wedding
“You did it.”
“Fuck yeah I did.”
Hope he thinks that way when I’m big as a fucking house and can’t get up off the couch. Truthfully, when I look down at my toned stomach—thank you tons of gym time—I can’t see how a baby is going to fit in there. Where is it going to grow? It can’t go down, so it has to go out. Am I going to see my toes?
The biggest question is, can I handle this, and not just the carrying the baby part. The mom part in general. I’ve never changed a diaper before. Never given a baby a bottle. Never burped one, and judging from the YouTube videos, it comes back up.
More than that, Deke and I will go from two to three. Unfortunately, these thoughts keep running through my head. What if I drop the baby? What if I can’t give it a bath? Will he still find me sexy? Will we have time together? Is not being married before the baby comes wrong? Do I really give a fuck? About the marriage part, fuck no.
I’m a nervous fucking wreck, and it’s why I’m taking classes coming up and doing some online shit to learn how to take care of an infant. I may be a shit mom now, but when that baby comes into this world, I won’t be. No, I refuse to be. He or she will have someone who knows what she’s doing.
“You sure you want to tell everyone at brunch? I mean, Leah and Green had their wedding tonight. Bristyl and Coop are getting married tomorrow, and brunch is the day after. Don’t you think it’s too much?”
“Fuck no,” he answers immediately, and I knew he would. Deke has been beside himself wanting to tell every-freaking-body, but somehow—okay through sex—I talked him into not saying anything and keeping it secret. It wasn’t that I didn’t want the others to know, I just wanted a little bit of time to hold it close to us. Sounds strange, but it is what it is.
Then we made a deal. Three months because by then I’d start showing or, at least, I thought I’d be showing more. But now all of this excitement, it’s not that I want my own thunder, far from it. This trip just isn’t about us. He wants to do it at brunch. Knowing my man, though, he will not change his mind.
“Babe, we’re tellin’ ‘em. I’m not waitin’.”
“Okay, babe. Love you.”
“You’re gonna be a fuckin’ great mom. Thank you for giving this to me. Love you,” he says, melting my heart, and the worries fade away in the background. He lifts me up and carries me to a nearby lounge chair. It has a cabana, and we’re practically hidden.
This is good, because my man always loves to celebrate.
9
Nox
The bed dipsas I roll into Carsyn, kissing her arm up to her neck and ear. “Mornin’,” I whisper there softly as she shifts. Her beautiful eyes look up at me. I swear, sometimes I think they’re filled with surprise that I’m here with her. Like she’s going to wake up from a dream, and we won’t be real.
That shit isn’t happening.
Fucking love this woman. She’s so fucking strong, and she’s only now beginning to see it in herself. It’s taking a long ass time, but it’s to be expected. She had a shit life, but now she has the best I can fucking give her.
“Morning.”
I lean down and take her lips. She pulls away and slaps my shoulder playfully. “Let me brush my teeth.”
“Seriously?”
She smiles, and I take her lips once more. She tastes as sweet as she did the first time we kissed, but now it’s free. Yes, free. I can actually feel the difference. Her past had chains, and I refuse to let them come back to haunt her. Ever. I made fucking sure of it. All of it.
Now, we live life free.
We shower, and it takes a while considering I have to fuck her.
Carsyn is slipping on a light pink dress that covers her body perfectly, and I harden once again. Too bad we don’t have time for round two.
I open my bag and pull it out, the smell hitting me first. Fucking love the smell of leather.
Holding it up, I turn around and walk up to her. She’s staring in the mirror, fussing with her hair. But I catch it. The moment she sees it. Her eyes widen, and she bites her bottom lip.
I step closer, feeling her excitement and disbelief in the air. “Want you in my leather, Carsyn.”
Tears fall from her eyes as she turns around, jumps up and wraps her legs around my hips, then attacks my mouth.
Let’s just say I’m late, and I can’t take this as far as I want to.
