Page 57 of Inflame Me
“ARE YOU UPSET you left?” Ma asks me, making everything inside me twist.
That’s a loaded question if I ever heard one. Leaving Cameron was the hardest thing I ever did in my life, right next to raising Tanner alone.
“I’ve always wondered what my life would have been like if I’d stayed.” If I had given us a chance… if I had been with him through the entire pregnancy… if … if…if. Life is full of what ifs, but I’m choosing to move forward from here. “But I can’t change any of that. It is what it is. I can’t look back anymore.” Lord knows, I’ve been doing it a lot in my dreams ever since we got here.
“No, you can’t look back, but what are you going to do moving forward?” she asks.
I shrug. “I haven’t got a clue,” I tell her honestly.
The way that Cameron kissed me back at that house sucked me in, and I was lost in him. Every feeling I had for him flared to life, but I would be lying to myself if I said I fit into his life now.
“You can always come back here.” She looks down sheepishly. “I know we were just acquaintances back then, but I remember the way Dagger looked at you. It was as if no one else in the room mattered. It still is.”
I pause at that last part. I’ve been so out of it I’m just now getting my bearings and able to function. Certainly, I’m sore, but it’s nothing near the pain I had before.
“Things with Cam”—I stop myself—“Dagger are so complicated.” I look away, not allowing the hurt on my face to show. “And he has a woman.” Whom he told me he was going to let loose.
Ma laughs. “Flash?” I don’t respond. “They’ve had this fucked up kind of relationship for years. You need to talk to him about that.” She pauses. “That is, if you want to stay.”
Stay, here? The one place that I was so happy yet had so much pain?
“He doesn’t need me here.” He doesn’t. He has a life. “Besides, I’m sure Tanner wants to head home, and I’m going with her.” I let all the confidence I have come through my words.
“I understand wanting to be where your kids are, Mearna, but what if she wants to stay here, too?”
I’ve thought of that. The way she is with Rhys is like nothing I’ve ever seen. I’ve met every one of the guys she’s dated, and not one of them had anything that Rhys does. To be honest, he scares the shit out of me, but when I really watch him with Tanner, it’s like he changes. His hard is still there, but there is also some soft, only reserved for her. I appreciate that.
My biggest hang up is her being involved with this life. I stayed away for more than twenty years, trying to protect her from all of this, and now she’s here, falling for her father’s friend.
The age thing doesn’t bother me. Maybe it should, but it’s not on the top of my issue list. The top of that list is the biker life. It’s not an easy life, and I didn’t think I could hack it. While I know Tanner is strong and has spunk, I fear she wouldn’t be able to handle it, either.
“Then I deal with it.”
“You wouldn’t talk her out of it, would you?” Ma asks.
“No. She has to lead her own life.” I wouldn’t make decisions for her. She’s a grown woman and needs to make them for herself. As much as it would kill me to see her hurt, if that’s the way this road lays, then I’ll be there for her.
“You need to talk to Dagger,” Ma says.
“I know. I got a call today that the funeral is in three days. Tanner and I need to go.”
Ma sucks in a sharp breath. “You sure?”
“If we don’t go, it’ll look bad. I’m not sure what will happen when we get there, but Cam—Dagger said he took care of Griff and Miller, and I trust that he did.” I do. No way would Dagger lie about something like that. I know he’ll protect us.
“I’m sure he did.”
Cooper, Ma’s grandson, comes barreling into the room, a small airplane in hand as he flies it around us, making plane engine noises. He’s adorable, and I totally get why everyone is so in love with the little guy.
“Whatcha doin’?” he asks, stopping by my chair.
I know I said I wouldn’t think of the past, but my thoughts drift to Tanner at that age. Would she have been the apple in all these guys’ eyes, winning the hearts of all of the women? How would she have turned out differently? How would having her father in her life have changed her? She’s so beautiful and strong. I’m so damn proud of her for following her dream of being a hairstylist. I just can’t help wondering what would be different.
What about me? Would I have been happy? Would I have grown into this life?
A nudge to my arm snaps me out of my thoughts. “Huh?”
Cooper giggles. “Whatcha doin’? Dreamin’?”
