Page 63 of Inflame Me
She turns her head my way. “As much as I can be.”
STARES.
All around me, people turn to look at me and my mother. She’s doing her bit as the grieving widow, but I have to admit I’m pretty sure most of her tears are very real. Several mourners, including James’s parents, hugged us when we arrived as we took our seats.
The service is a full-out cop’s funeral with cars following the hearse while I drive my mother behind it. She was asked to ride in the limo with the parents, but declined, saying she wanted to be alone. I don’t really know her reasoning, but I went with it.
As I stand here at the reception with cops everywhere, I can’t help looking every few minutes to see if Rhys has shown up. I’ve checked my phone hundreds of times, only to be disappointed each time. Still nothing.
I’ve talked to so many cops and well-wishers, smiling and shaking hands, even accepting hugs when they offered them.
It’s so strange that the reason all these people are joined together is because I took the man’s life. Me. He deserved it—don’t get me wrong—but that is still on my shoulders. I’ve done my best to hide any emotion the entire time.
What I wouldn’t give to have Rhys’s arms around me to take it all away, but he’s not here and, with the funeral coming to an end, not coming. I knew it, but a small part of me hoped, and now I feel incredibly let down.
“Ms. O’Ryan?” The voice has me turning quickly without thinking.
“Officer Miller.” I need to work on masking myself better. Seeing him dredges up everything that happened back in Sumner, even the fact that Griff didn’t show for his best friend and partner’s funeral. I want to know what they did, but I don’t. I think it would be best if I didn’t.
“So sorry for your loss.” A very pretty, petite blonde stands next to him, clutching his hand like she’s afraid he’ll vanish.
“Thank you,” I respond, the words coming out light.
“Officer Miller, thank you so much for coming,” my mother says from next to me, extending her hand like everything that happened has just vanished into thin air. She’s so poised and perfect. I want to be her.
I have to hand it to the man; he’s very good at nonchalance. He introduces us to his very quiet wife, and then they skirt off. I heave a breath after he leaves. I need a moment.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” I tell my mother, moving off quickly.
I enter the stall and sit to do my business, checking my phone again. A giddy rise comes out of me when it shows I have a missed text, though it’s from my father’s phone, not Rhys’s. I try not to let the disappointment swirl inside of me, but it’s hard.
I open up the little envelope on my phone.
This is R. Got club business. Can’t make it. Phone dead. Will call soon.
How is it possible to have such a barrage of emotions knocking me on my ass at one time? I’m so happy he contacted me yet so disappointed that I’m not going to see him.
I type out a message.
Okay. Miss you.
I stare at the words.No, don’t put that.I erase the last two words and send it. At least I know for sure so no more looking over my shoulder, hoping to see him.
I put my phone in my clutch and finish, coming out of the stall to wash my hands. I stop abruptly when Griff’s wife looks at me in the mirror, her eyes red-rimmed. I’ve met her a couple of times, but I’m nowhere near friends with her. My nerves pick up just a bit.
Suzie turns to me. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” A fresh batch of tears fall from her eyes as she sniffles and moves away from the sink.
“Thank you.”
I let Suzie lead this conversation since I don’t know what happened to Griff and don’t want to say anything wrong.
“I’m sorry I’m such a mess. I haven’t heard from Griff for days. He said he was going out on a fishing trip, but I haven’t heard from him. I called down to Georgia where he said he was going, and they haven’t found him. I’m so scared.”
Okay, so he didn’t come home. Chances are, he’s dead, and good-riddance to him, as well.
“I’m so sorry to hear that.”
“You were in Georgia. Did you see him?”
