Page 6 of Inflame Me
“Point taken, but your father is different.”
When she pauses for too long, I look at her. “Keep going. We’ve only got an hour.”
“Your father is Cameron Wagner. He’s part of a motorcycle club called Ravage. Let me start from the beginning.” I nod. “I met him when I was very young. He was much older than me, and I fell hard for him. He was just joining the club at the time, and I didn’t know much about it. I thought it was like a riding club because he was always riding his Harley everywhere. I loved being on the back of that thing.” She pauses for a second, seeming to be caught in her memories.
“For about a year, we lived together while he was joining, and I stood by him every step of the way. Long story short, I found out that he was into some really bad things. I called him on it; he told me it was none of my business; and we split up. He joined the club; I took off. Once I got settled, I found out I was pregnant. I never told him.”
There is so much more I want to know, so much more to this story than she’s saying.
“You say you lived together for a year, and the only reason you split was because of this club?” I ask, piecing the puzzle together.
“That man had my heart and soul,” she whispers so softly I don’t think she wants me to hear her, but I do.
My heart clenches for her. “You loved him.”
Her head turns to me, and a soft smile comes to her lips. “Yes. I loved him very much. It killed me to leave him. If it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t be around anymore.”
My breath seizes in my lungs. Did she really just say what I think she said?
“Mom, you’re saying you were going to kill yourself?” The words get lodged in my throat and come out very croaky, but I somehow manage to get them out just as fear almost pulls me under.
She stares out at the open road, lost in thought briefly. “At the time, I was young and naïve about the world. I saw good and bad, nothing in between. When I learned one night that what he was doing was on the bad side of the coin, I thought I had to leave. I didn’t want to, but in my gut, I had to.”
“What did you see?” I’m a bit sacred of the answer, yet I’m too curious not to ask.
“That doesn’t matter.” She shakes her head, wiping the thought away. “I did. He never followed me, so I knew he never felt the same way about me as I did him.” My heart breaks for my mother. “Once I found out I was pregnant, I picked myself up off the floor and got myself together.”
“And you never contacted him about me?” I can’t help feeling a little hurt that I know nothing of the man who is my father. I have never had to want for anything, but it still would have been nice to at least know him.
“No. He lives a different lifestyle than you or me. You’ll see. It’s not like what you know now.”
“You act like he’s in some kind of cult or something, Mom.” I mean, seriously.
“Tanner, in your father’s world, women have their place, and men have theirs. Some women can hack it, but I didn’t stick around long enough to try …” Her words dangle off.
“But you wish you had,” I finish her sentence, watching as a tear rolls down her cheek.
“I wonder what my life would have been like had I stayed. Would I be happy now instead of”—she looks down at her broken, battered body—“this?”
“Oh, Mom, I’m so sorry.” Even if I am upset with her about not telling me about my father, I can’t help having my heart break right alongside her.
“There’s nothing for you to be sorry for. I made my decisions, and I live with them,” she states firmly.
I pause for a moment, kind of confused about something. “Mom, we talk a lot.” I look to her briefly, and she looks down at her hands. Then I move my eyes back to the road. “We’ve talked about the first time I had sex, our times of the month, when I had my heart broken—hell, even what I had for dinner the night before. In all those talks, in all those deep conversations, you couldn’t tell me about my father, even if you didn’t want me to meet him?”
I counted on my mother for everything. She’s my confidant on every aspect of my life. I don’t get how, after all this time, she wouldn’t tell me about him. Then this happens, and he’s the first person she thinks to run to? Why?
“I wish I could better explain it, Tanner, but I can’t. I’m so sorry.”
I hear my mom sniffle. I reach over and grab her hand as she sucks in a breath, forgetting for just a moment how badly she’s hurt. I quickly remove my hand.
“It’s fine, Mom. Let’s just get you better.”
Twenty minutes later, the sun shines brightly on the sign for Sumner.
“All right, Tanner, let’s check into one of the small hotels up the road here. You’ll give them a different name—whatever you want—and pay cash. Got it?” Something tells me she learned more from my father than she’s willing to let on because I’ve never seen this side of her.
“I don’t have a lot of cash on me, Mom.” That was a stupid move right there. I should have gone to the ATM and pulled everything I could out. I did buy gas with cash, so that’s a plus in my favor. I make a horrible fugitive.
