Page 93 of Bound by Wreckage
He’s gone so it’s not like he can come back and hurt me. Right? No, not right. He’s always had a way about him, and I have no doubt this will be no different.
The door to the bedroom opens, my head shooting up to see Nox striding in. His smile dies when he takes me in.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, coming directly to me and on the bed.
I hold up the piece of paper. “In theletters from my mom, Buck wrote one to me.”
“Have you read it?” he asks, his jaw tightening.
My head shakes as Nox grabs the paper. “Let me read it to you.”
Sucking in a deep breath, he kicks off his boots, opens his legs wide around me, one arm going around my waist, while the other holds the letter. In his arms, I feel safe. Loved. Cherished. Buck can’t touch that. No matterwhat’s in that letter, it might hurt for a while, but it will never have anything to do with the man holding me tightly.
Then it hits me. No, I need to read it. It’s one thing for Nox to have my back; it’s another for him to hold me up all by himself. If I’ve learned anything over the last few months, it’s that I have more strength inside of me that I’ve ever given myself credit for. It’stime to reign that in.
“Let me.” I reach for the paper as Nox pulls it out of my grasp.
“Let me do it, gorgeous.”
Turning, I look up into his concerned eyes, ones I fell in love with when I was a kid. “It’s okay. I want to do this. I have to do this.”
“Okay.” He leans down, kissing me briefly, then hands me the paper. My hand once again trembles, but somehow, I willit to stop.
“Carsyn,” I begin as Nox holds me close.
“You either stole these letters from me or I’m dead. I’d better fucking be dead or else I’m coming for you, bitch.” I shiver.
“You’re the reason my father’s dead. You fucking killed him. Why the fuck do you think I took your ass in—payment. All you are is payment, and you still haven’t paid enough for killing my only family.”
My heart picks up.
“You’re probably wondering why I never showed you these. Because I fucking hate you and no way would I let your mother’s words fill your fucking head. I should’ve burned them, but couldn’t. Don’ know why, but didn’t. So now you know what your mom thought of you. But, bitch, I made sure you never turned out like she wanted. Fuck her and fuck you. Buck.”
Mybreaths come in gasps as my heart clenches. What happened with our parents was an accident. I never meant to hurt them at all and Buck never let me forget what had happened. But to know he’s speaking to me from beyond the grave, knowing that he did all of this shit to me over the years as his vengeance, only makes me hate him more.
This letter did nothing for me, and I shouldn’t have readit. And I’ll never read the ones with Buck’s name on them. Ever.
“Carsyn?” Nox says as I crumble the paper up and toss it across the room. Buck has no control over me any more. I’d always thought that what Buck did to me was my penance for my mother and stepfather, and how true I was.
“I’ve done my time. Now it’s time to be happy,” I whisper into the room, and Nox’s arms get tighter.
“Yeah, gorgeous. Time to wipe all that shit and be happy.” He kisses the top of my head. “We’ll be happy. Nothin’ holdin’ us back. Road’s open ahead, and not one person will dare get in our way.”
“Yeah.” He’s right. I’ve carried it for long enough, and it’s time to let it go. Decision made, inside the weight that’s bogged me down for so long loosens its grasp.
It’s time toride free with my man. Forever free.
EXTRAS
Rhys
He’s fucking gone.His laugh, his shit talking—all of it wiped away from this earth never to be heard again. His grandbabies, daughter, and wife will never be whole again.
Fuck, I’ll never be whole either.
It guts me every second of the day I see my wife cry or my mother-in-lawdo the same. When my youngest asks why Grandpa had to go. I have no answers for that question and never will.
There is no fix for this. No Band-Aid I can conjure up to make it all better for my family. All their grief is on my shoulders, and in these few moments when I sit outside on my porch alone, I allow my grief to come to the surface.
