Page 43 of Bound by Wreckage
Tanner called Rylynn, who got here shortly after us. She is hugging her mother as she cries. Rylynn though, looks like her father—pissed. Rhys is so livid everyone is staying clear of him because when he blows, it’sgoing to be ugly. All except my father, no doubt keeping an eye on him.
Rhys and Dagger are super close and have been through so much shit in their time side by side. When Rhys claimed Dagger’s daughter, I thought for sure there would be blows coming from both sides. But Rhys is Rhys, and he does what he wants when he wants. Claiming his woman was no different. Dagger accepted it wholeheartedlysaying no other man was good enough for his daughter.
The only ones not here are Ma and the prospect, Patrick; they went to stay with Mazie, Tanner and Rhys’ kid and Dagger and Mearna’s grandbaby, and some of the younger kids. We try to protect everyone, but sometimes that’s just not possible.
Everything in this moment is a fucking mess.
Ryker pulls Austyn to his side as shereleases my hand, and I feel the loss immediately. I’ve never been a man who needs comfort, but shit like this…
When they occur, you realize how short life really is. Sure, we know our time will come to an end, but we don’t focus on it until it comes knocking on our door. It puts so much into perspective.
Life—death.
Love—hate.
It makes the picture of your life clearerinstead of the haze that we allow to fall over our eyes as we move through life.
There are many things that I haven’t done in my twenty-four years. Love my club with everything I have inside of me, and till my dying breath will do everything and anything for them. Except I crave to have a good woman at my side. Each of my brothers is holding their women, grounding them, loving them unconditionally.Me, I sit alone because pussy is just pussy. Until it’s not.
I had a good woman… for a few days, as much as I kept telling myself it didn’t mean anything—it did, so much more that I thought. I got a taste and that was it; nothing else will ever compare. She’s in my dreams when I close my eyes and my head when I’m awake. Always there. Always below the surface. How the little sprite got undermy skin so fast, I’m not sure. It could be our history and filling that crush we both had on each other. Or maybe it’s something else.
The softness of her skin and breathy sounds still plague me. Saying goodbye to her was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Pulling the car away and watching her get smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror took every bit of my strength not toturn around and go after her. My father says it takes a strong man to give up something for the benefit of another.
Me, I wish I would’ve followed through with my initial thoughts to bring Carsyn to the clubhouse, take out the Rangers, and been done with it. She’d be by my side… or would she? Even if that scenario happened, there’s no way to know if she would’ve stayed. There’s no timemachine that could tell me.
Her eyes though, when I left, were covered in pain. She tried so hard to cover it up, plastering on that fake smile she used all the time, but I saw it. The hurt swirled around in those brown depths, but she’s too prideful or maybe it’s stubbornness. She believes with everything in her that if she stays away no one will find her and I won’t get hurt. Convincingher that I’m not scared one bit by that asshole was going to take more time than available to me.
Therefore, I did the only thing I could do—leave her with someone I trusted who would protect her.
The punishment for not telling the club was absolutely worth it. The desperation in her eyes along with the sheer terror, I would’ve said anything to get the light back in her eyes. True,I should’ve talked to my brothers—would’ve, could’ve, should’ve and all that. They would’ve helped me no problem, but fuck, I was afraid she’d run away if we all showed up on our bikes. It would’ve been an all-out war and she’d be scared shitless.
I did what I thought was right. What a man would do to protect his woman, even if she’ll never be mine.
My lips tip as I remember.
The dirt cakes under my fingernails, hell it’s in every crevice of my body at this point. When my father told me: “We’re going to expand the hole. Or, I should say, you’re going to expand the hole. No equipment but your hands and a shovel. You have two weeks to get it done. If it is not, we’ll have something else for you immediately. During those two weeks, you will be in charge of cleaningall the bathrooms in the clubhouse and shop. You will get all garbage from the place and take it to the dumpster daily. You will help Bristyl in the office when she needs it. You will help us if we need it. If we keep you busy all day and you don’t have time to work on the hole, that’s your problem to figure out. Two weeks and if it’s not completed, you don’t want to know what will happen.” I knewI’d be miserable for a while.
Damn he was so pissed off, and what hurt more was the disappointment he had in his eyes. But I was man enough to make the decision to help Carysn, and I wouldn’t change it. I wouldn’t change my decision because I knew the outcome here. She has a right to be free and happy, and giving that to her is the best gift in the world.
The walls around me beginto shake as I sit on a bucket taking a break. Jumping up, I head to the stairs, getting the hell out of there because being buried alive isn’t the way I want to leave this world.
I’m shocked and stunned with what I find.
“Hey there, dip shit!” Dagger calls out, waving his beer in the air while he sits on a huge ass piece of machinery. “Bout time you got outta there.”
All theguys stand around laughing, even I crack a smirk. “You know how to drive that thing?”
“Like ridin’ a damn bike. I got this.”
Dagger picks up the bucket of the end loader and begins to dig down into the ground. “Can someone tell me what’s goin’ on here?”
My father slaps his hand on my shoulder. “Son, we were renting this the entire time. Just needed you to put in some elbowgrease.”
We laughed for a long time at that one. Dagger ended up giving up the wheel when his intake of booze switched over to the hard stuff. All the work I’d done over the past two weeks was decimated in a couple of hours, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
The laughter at my expense was welcome because for those two weeks I worked, all that crossed my mind was Carsyn, hopingthat she was okay.
Fuck, Dagger. That’s one of a billion memories I have of him. Knowing him since birth, he always knew how to talk his way out of pretty much anything. It made him excellent at negotiations.
