Page 34 of Bound by Wreckage
A hand clasps around my wrist, and my stomach drops. Nox isn’t the kind of man to let things go and this, he’ll want answers and I don’t know what to give him.
Sucking in a fortifying breath, I look up into those deep browns. The corners of his mouth are tight and a small wrinklein his forehead looks as though he’s thinking. About what, I’d really like to know, but can only imagine it’s something likewhat the hell was I thinking!
“Carsyn…” His words trail off, and the pain in my chest comes back from its small reprieve in the bathroom.
“It’s okay.” Lie. One thing I absolutely hate to do, but have done it so many times it’s second nature anymore. “I getit, Nox. It’s fine. What do you—” I’m cut off.
“Get what, Carsyn?”
He releases my wrist and I make my way to the bathroom shutting the door.
“Just because you’re in there doesn’t mean you’re not answering me. Get what, Carsyn?” he repeats as I slam my forehead against the door. Why does he have to be so good at reading people. At getting them to talk? Why can’t he be likeone of those passive guys who just nods and goes away?
Because you would never want him that way.
I slip on my underwear and capris. For some reason, it feels easier to talk to him through the door. It may be a coward’s way out, but at least I won’t see his face. Won’t see what I already know is there.
“Look, Nox, I understand what I am. I’ve been it for so long I have noidea how to benormal.” Whatever in the hell that is. “After being passed around like a sex toy for more years than I care to acknowledge, I get how you see me. How everyone will see me, who knows my past. I don’t blame you for regretting kissing me.”
My only regret is I didn’t do it just a little longer so I could hold on to the one little memory a while longer. That brief moment whenI mattered.
Loud bangs hit the door. “Open this fucking door, Carsyn,” he orders, and I know I should listen; at least, if it was Buck on the other end I would. His punishment for not would be too severe when I did. But this is Nox. I know he won’t hurt me, at least physically. Emotionally he has without even knowing he did it.
“I’m getting dressed. I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Carsyn Avery Devero, open this fucking door.”
Wait. How does he know my middle name? I didn’t tell him. I haven’t told anyone that name is forever.
“How do you know my middle name?” I ask, tossing my bra and shirt on.
“Dammit. Open the door so we can talk about this.” His demands become more desperate, making it hard for me to stand my ground. Really, there’s no reasonto stand anything, and I’m making a big deal out of nothing. Right? Or not. Shit, this is confusing.
“Give me a minute. I have to brush my teeth.” I’m not lying because it must be done for my oral hygiene, not an excuse to stay in here just a few minutes more. Ha! Lies. All lies.
“I don’t regret kissing you one bit, Carsyn.” My brush stills as I look into the mirror at my wide eyes.“I regret not being able to control myself around you and making you kiss me. I never want to make you feel like you have to do anything again, and I should’ve kept my shit together.”
He doesn’t regret kissing me. Toothbrush in mouth, toothpaste falling down my chin, I say, “What?”
“Open the door.”
I spit and rinse, wiping off my face in the process. Slowly, my hand reachesthe knob and I unlock it. The door swings open, and my breath stills. Nox is beautiful. Dark hair, eyes, and beard. Lips that I can still feel on mine. He’s something out of a book or a movie. So unattainable, yet he’s here with me, and he doesn’t regret kissing me.
“You don’t?” I hate that my voice cracks.
His hand comes up to cup my face once more as he leans in. “No. Not one fuckin’bit. I’m a bit demanding in what I want, and you’re not in a place for that. You need to be in control of your body, and I pushed it. I’m sorry.”
My head shakes back and forth. “I thought you’d see me as used and damaged.”
“Absolutely not, Carsyn. Any asshole who does, doesn’t deserve your attention. You were dealt a shit hand, but now is your time to turn it around and make yourlife the way you want it to be. You get to start over.”
A tear rolls down my cheek and he sweeps his thumb over it, wiping it away. “Yeah.”
Nox pulls me into his arms and kisses the top of my head. We stay there for long moments, and I drink him in. Every minute of it because it won’t last. Good things never do for me.
