Page 13 of Bound by Wreckage
“What color is your hair? I rememberit a light brown.” He doesn’t acknowledge the flinch, but I know he saw it.
That’s at least an easy one. “Brown. It’s darker than back then, though.”
“Why do you color it like this?”
Turning, my hair falls from his fingertips. “Buck likes it.”
“Ah… Buck. Let’s talk about him.”
My arms cross over my chest, feeling like I want to crawl in a whole. I worry aboutwhat to say. I worry about everything. That’s all my life is… one big worry. Then stupid mistakes happen leading to punishments. “Let’s not.”
He ignores me pressing on. “What made you come to live with him?”
How would he know that? Did he check up on me? Did he ask about me? That can only lead to problems. The less he knows the better for all of us. “I think you should go. I needto finish this and get back to the house.”
I rise from my seat and check the washers, which have another three or four minutes. Shit. Gripping my arms, I move back over to Nox and lean against the wall next to the bench.
“Not leavin’, Carsyn. Talk to me.”
“Why? Why tell you this? You’re going to go on with your life and in a few months or so never remember this. It’s betterif you just go and we part ways.”
“Babe, ya gotta know I’m not that man.”
“What man?”
“The kind who gives up on something.”
“You don’t even know me,” I fire back, feeling anger building.
He smiles. “There’s the fire.”
I’m not sure why he says that. He doesn’t know any flame of mine. Those were blown out a long time ago.
“Nox, this isn’t right. IfBuck catches us, I’m going to be in serious trouble.”
He shakes his head. “Answer me, please. What happened that you ended up living with him? I would really like to know what happened to the ambitious spitfire of a girl.”
Hand to my neck, I feel heat rising. He really did notice me back in school. He knew me better than I thought. That pains me and makes me happy at the same time.All those times when I thought he wasn’t paying any attention to me, he was. At least a little bit, enough to know some things about me.
Never have I talked to anyone about what happened when I was fifteen. Ever. It’s been locked inside of me for nine years. Why I left. Everything was swept under the rug, Buck’s doing, and something he says I have to pay him back for. And something he sayshe’ll never forgive me for.
As it is now, I’ll never be able to pay Buck back to a point he’ll loosen his grasp on me. This is my only shot to breathe. Even if it is for a fleeting moment.
I’ve never wanted to tell anyone, but for some reason I want to tell Nox. My mind wars with itself trying to come up with a decision.
I suck in a deep breath. “When I was fifteen, I wasdriving my mother and stepfather to dinner. I had a permit, and they were letting me try it out.” Looking down at my hands, I can’t look at him and see whatever is on his face. Buck never let me talk about it and only got more pissed if I even mentioned my mother. Learning to stop talking about it is easy when you get punched in the throat for it. I can’t help but hesitate, unable to get the wordsout then finding them. “I lost control of the car, and I was the only one who walked away.”
I jump when a warm hand comes over top of mine, but he doesn’t move away as electricity sparks between us. “Go on.”
His touch gives me strength to speak. “Buck was twenty and said he’d take me in because there was no one else and I’d end up in foster care. Therefore, I moved away with him.We just got back to town about a year ago.”
“Why did you come back?”
All these questions start to make my head swirl. Why does he have to be so damn easy to talk to? Why can’t he be a bump on the log? I take that back. I never would want Nox to be a bump on a log. Maybe just a man who lets things go and doesn’t push. But that’s part of his charm as well. The tornado in my head canstop at any time.
“You can tell me.”
Sucking in a deep breath, all the consequences of what I’ve already told him twirl in my head. My mother always said go big or go home. I guess this is one of those times. Shit. I know I won’t be able to walk if Buck finds out.
